“How do I feel about my period? I love it!”
That's the opening line from Kotex's 2010 "So Obnoxious" ad, which you might remember. The satirical ad features "a believably attractive 18-to-24-year-old female" who's relatable because, "I’m racially ambiguous," she explains. "Market research shows that girls like you love girls like me.”
The Kotex pads being advertised may not have flown off the shelves, but the commercial itself was a viral success, even prompting a New York Times article. The reason it struck a nerve? It called out the absurdities that have littered period product advertisements since time immemorial. Finally, someone was calling out the cliched myths that were being perpetuated by sexist ads about... 'that time of the month'.
The 2010 Kotex ad was the start of a welcome sea change in how period products are marketed – one that led us into a new era in which these ads got so real it caused a (silly) controversy.
To see how far the tampon trailer has come, we rounded up some of the oddest, most offensive and downright absurd vintage period ads of all time. They probably won't make you want to buy tampons, but they'll sure give you good laugh. Peek-a-boo pillow at the ready, things are about to get cringe...
Read more Rag Week stories on Refinery29 UK:
Rag Week: Addressing Our Problem With Periods by Gillian Orr
Menopause - The Truth And The Surprise Ending by Caryn Franklin
Girls Across The Globe Are Missing School Because Of Their Periods by Torey Van Oot
How My Period Landed Me In Hospital by Jo Fuertes-Knight
Saying Goodbye To My Period As A Trans Man by Freddy McConnell
Me And My Mooncup: A Love Story by Helen Nianias
It's the 1940s and Bonnie is "blue." Why? Because of "periodic pain." Well, that's vague, isn't it? Midol wasn't just for cramps and headaches — it also saved women from "jumpy nerves!" Midol's 1940 ads all feature Bonnie, Betty, and Sally — and they always turn out so gay thanks to that little pill. Hurray!
Those red roses (a clear euphemism for blood) aren't going to get this gal down. She has a spiffy hat, gloves, and a cool dose of new found "confidence" thanks to Kotex napkins. This ad from the 1950s is important because it highlights a classic marketeer trope: the promise of "confidence". Somehow a working maxi pad doesn't just make you confident in its ability to prevent leaks, it also makes you a more confident woman (despite the waddle). Okay...
Oh, hell no.
This dude's wife's menstrual cramps were so hard for him! But worry not, his wife now takes Femicin and she "acts like the woman [he] married — every day of the month." 'Cause heaven forbid your wife's emotions ever change. That's strictly forbidden, never mind that she's bleeding for three to eight days. What a nightmare!
Photo: Courtesy of Femicin.
Unmarried girls are worried about using "internal sanitary protection," also known as tampons, because unmarried women are clearly virginal (and period protection clearly changes that). Apparently in the 1950s you needed someone to tell you it's okay to insert something into your own vagina.
Photo: Courtesy of Pursettes.
A promise of a maxi-pad so great that you'll forget it's even there, despite it being a maxi -pad. Not sure how you can forget about a pad that happens to be belted to your waist, but Fems says it's totally possible. The one beacon of hope in this ad? She's not wearing white! Just a form-fitting dress.
She's jumping out of planes — because she can't sit down and relax, of course! She swims to "lose weight," so she eats breakfast by her pool! And she's a smart lady, so she "doesn't know a thing about changing tires" — especially not in a white trench coat! We're not really sure what skydiving, exercise, and changing flat tires have to do with your period. But apparently, Tampax sees a connection.
Photo: Courtesy of Tampax.First question: Why didn't your mother talk to you about your period when you had "the talk?" Second question: Why are you casually hanging out with a bunch of white cats in your white apartment while wearing an all-white outfit?
Get ready to cringe hard, people. I mean, nothing says "buy my maxi pads" like a soft ballad about the "StayFree years." The random montage of women and girls laughing, getting married, and reading bedtime stories are an especially awkward touch. Plus, there's that great "confidence" messaging that period commercials just love to use.
Yet another example of an adventurous woman on the go from Tampax. Even her damn horse is white! She doesn't seem to be very good at surfing or horseback riding (because she's a woman, obviously), but you should trust her. She may be failing at building that tent, but she is rocking that bucket hat two decades before Blossom.
Photo: Courtesy of Tampax.It's like Tampax watched one too many episodes of Saved by the Bell, and decided that those graphics were the perfect way to reach young women. The only thing more ridiculous than the random girls saying things like "you bet!" and talking about the "perfect fit," is when the maxi pad actually does a little dance. Tampax, BYE!
Midol, this is a slightly better commercial. It seems that by 1997, ad campaigns were ready to tackle sexist assumptions about periods — as long as it all still ended with a smile, of course!
This French tampon adverts translates as "I am a like a fish in water." Gulp.
This isn't a period ad, it's a milk ad. But do you get it? Women on their periods are THE WORST. So every man in America better run and get milk so he can survive! Any man who falls down on the milk-getting job will be forced to deal with his wife's emotions, listen to her suffer in pain, or — worst of all — find menstrual products around his home!
These women are here to have a frank conversation about why Rely tampons are so gosh darn reliable.
But that's not what's absurd. What's absurd is that this is one of the few period ads featuring a woman of colour. It's like advertisers just realised that women of colour get their periods too.
Rely ended up being taken off the market in 1980 after its tampons were found to be more likely to cause Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) than other tampons. A rash of lawsuits quickly followed.
"Soft," "curved," and "natural." Obviously those words describe all women, so this totally makes sense. Not sure where the leather necklace comes into play on the "soft" scale, but Kotex promises protection so natural "you'll forget what day it is." My only question: What is that thing laced with? Forget what day it is?
This ad starts with a very 1980s woman saying, "It's wonderful," in a soft coo. She spends the rest of the ad nose-to-nose with you, whispering sweet nothings about Always maxi pads. Bonus: We get a classic blue water demonstration in this one — because if a beaker of blue water can be absorbed by a maxi pad, so can hours of period blood.
"You gotta trust somebody!" And that somebody is Tampax. Don't you love the teenage angst? The '80s hair? The girlfriends straight out of a Mall Madness commercial? We're not really sure what the mini-plot has to do with tampons, but it looks like fun.
Everyone in this ad is having the time of her life. They're jumping on their boyfriends; laughing when their car breaks down during a road trip, and roller skating on the beach with dogs. The good news is that Tampax compact is there to give them a "new kind of freedom." Side note: So Tampax has a volleyball team?
This is a genuine ad for a tampon-delivery service. No, no, really it is. The young girl gleefully describes her period as 'the red patch of courage' – not quite what we recall but, ok, we'll go with it, before announcing herself as her local Summer Camp's self appointed "gyno". This is before she mutates into some bellicose dictator and starts yelling at other girls to "suck up and deal with it, this is your life now". She then goes on to describe the delivery service as "like santa, but for your vagina." And, we're out.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Selena Gomez & Francia Raisa "Went Through A Depression" After Kidney Transplant