So you've sorted your summer wardrobe and invested in some shades to see you through the sunny months in style but what about when it comes to footwear? Sweaty toes in trainers are a no-go and flip-flops should ideally be resigned firmly to the beach. Slides are too casual for certain occasions and in hot weather, strappy heels aren't worth the fuss or the chafe.
Enter the espadrille. Whether you're looking for an overtly feminine style with wrap ankle ties or a more laid-back sporty style, click ahead for our roundup of the best selection of the beloved raffia summer staple.
The Castañer family has been reinventing the espadrille since 1927 and in the late ‘60s, the brand came to prominence after creating the first jute-soled wedge for Yves Saint Laurent. Owning the espadrille market for decades, naturally Castañer is still the brand of choice of our favourite dressers this summer, from Jeanne Damas and Adenorah to Tanya Burr.
This mango-yellow pair of Castañer's classic canvas Chiara espadrilles is perfect teamed with your favourite summer dress or trusty jeans and a T-shirt.
Castañer Chiara canvas wedge espadrilles, £85, available at Matches Fashion
Inject some more colour into your wardrobe with these red suede Soludos espadrilles.
Soludos Red suede espadrilles, £80, available at Browns Fashion
Loewe's beige suede espadrilles are crafted with a collapsible heel, so you can wear them traditionally or fold them into a backless, more casual slip-on style.
Loewe Foldable-heel suede espadrille loafers, £350, available at Matches Fashion
Available in black, lace, black and white stripes or terracotta, these versatile espadrilles will fit in seamlessly with your summer sartorial choices.
Sézane Low Milano espadrilles, £70, available at Sézane
The bold blue and white stripes mark these raffia-effect and vinyl espadrilles as part of Balenciaga's Bazar line – a collection inspired by traditional Sampeng market bags.
Balenciaga Bazar striped raffia-effect espadrilles, £345, available at Matches Fashion
If ever there was a pair of shoes perfect for holidaying along the French Riviera, these are them.
Zara Striped tied wedges, £29.99, available at Zara
Upgrade your trainers for the sunny months with these flatform plimsolls.
Superga 2790 espadrille flatform trainers in white, £55, available at Superga
In need of a chic pair of shoes for any summer weddings or garden parties you have over the next few months? Chloé’s cornflower-blue suede Lauren sandals with a scallop detail offer a statement take on the traditional espadrille.
Chloé Lauren suede espadrille wedge sandals, £435, available at Matches Fashion
These delicate slip-ons with floral embroidery will add a hint of playful femininity to a casual weekend outfit.
Tabitha Simmons Natural embroidered dotty festival espadrilles, £350, available at Avenue32
Elevate your look with these vibrant red wedges, just waiting to be worn to a bank holiday BBQ or picnic in the park.
ASOS JUICIER tie leg espadrille wedges, £25, available at ASOS
For those devoted to various shades of noir. Because black can still be surprisingly summery.
Kurt Geiger Black flat espadrilles, £59, available at Kurt Geiger
If pool slides aren't your thing and you haven't quite mastered the mule trend, these easy-to-wear pointy flats have your name all over them.
Topshop Knight pointy espadrilles, £52, available at Topshop
But if you prefer to avoid colour, these zebra-print espadrilles will go well with everything from your well-worn boyfriend jeans to a floral tea dress.
Topshop Knight pointy espadrilles, £52, available at Topshop
Take your work wardrobe up a notch now the warm weather is here with these elegant neutral espadrilles.
Uterqüe Lace-up jute wedge espadrilles, £75, available at Uterqüe
If you're looking for a summer alternative to your favourite skate shoes or trainers, these black and multicoloured Gucci leather floral embroidered espadrilles are a worthy investment.
Gucci Floral embroidered espadrilles, £405, available at Browns Fashion
Because summer really has put a spring in your step!
Zara Raffia espadrilles with slogan, £29.99, available at Zara
Calling all maximalists! These metallic espadrilles with gingham ties nail about four SS17 trends in one shoe.
Topshop King lace up espadrilles, £49, available at Topshop
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Call us killjoys, but there’s something incredibly impractical about walking around doused in iridescent highlighter and eight shades of eyeshadow, especially now the mercury has finally risen. From unicorn makeup brushes to mermaid-inspired palettes, the beauty market is currently heaving with all things fantastical, but there is a way to indulge without having to dip yourself in girlish glitter.
The most alluring brands on our shelves offer a heady dose of mystical charm with a grown-up slant, opting for bewitching ingredients and beguiling shades over rainbow hues and glitter. Click through for our verdict on the most captivating names to know.
Rituel de Fille
Rituel de Fille was concocted by three sisters with roots in makeup artistry on the Hollywood circuit. The trio approaches each formulation with the alchemy of potion-making – every ingredient has a clear purpose, leaving no room for fillers or synthetic colour. Created in-house, each product is the result of years of experimentation using history-steeped ingredients and the deepest of pigments. Everything is 99% natural (very impressive for a colour cosmetics brand) and all raw materials are sourced from certified cruelty-free companies.
With collection names like Cultus and Feral, it’ll come as no surprise that there are no pretty pink or glitter shades to be found here – think blackened-blue lipstick, sooty loose eye pigments and ghostly highlighters.
Do we have you entranced? Stick 28th June in your diary, when the brand will drop two limited-edition shades of its cult Rare Light Luminizer highlighter – Lunaris has an opalescent blue-toned finish inspired by the glow of a full moon, while Solaris reflects the red-hot gleam of the rising sun.
Rituel de Fille, from £19, available at Cult Beauty
Reek Perfume
If the sight of a traditional fragrance ad – think supermodels wafting around in designer dresses – leaves you feeling less than empowered, cast your eyes over to Reek Perfume.
Cited as the first ‘feminist fragrance line’, this Scottish brand takes inspiration from the most unapologetic heroines throughout history to create truly fierce fragrances, and with renowned nose Sarah McCartney behind the notes, they’re bound for cult status.
The line’s debut, Damn Rebel Bitches, is named after Maggie Craig’s study of the Jacobite uprisings and the rebellion’s heroine, Lady Nithsdale, who broke her husband out of the Tower of London in 1716 by dressing him as a woman. With notes of blood orange, hazelnut, pink peppercorn and malt, it’s as heady and powerful as it sounds. Arriving later this month is sister scent Damn Rebel Witches, which is dedicated to women burnt at the stake and those still prosecuted today for witchcraft – expect a heart of tobacco for a darker twist.
Reek campaign images are shot using non-professional models with absolutely no retouching, and you can find an interview with each woman on the brand’s feminist blog, Bitches Unite.
La Belle Lune’s debut night serum, Organic Skin, looks like something you might unearth from an ancient potion collection, but it’s actually hand-blended in Norwich. A childhood spent reading fairy tales and gothic stories led to founder Annabelle Powell’s obsession with the moon and the night sky – making a night oil the natural choice for her beauty debut.
This lightweight, easily absorbed oil is ideal for tackling blemishes and reducing acne scars without resorting to high-strength acids or prescription products. Alongside the usual suspects – rosehip seed, sweet almond and rose otto – this magical cocktail contains a host of curious, less-familiar extracts to supercharge the nourishing effects. Milk thistle shields skin from environmental pollutants while chia works wonders on elasticity, and rosemary C02 extract acts as a natural preservative, preventing oxidisation to keep each extract as active as possible.
La Belle Lune Organic Skin, £46, available at La Belle Lune
Lovecraft Beauty
Lovecraft Beauty is the baby of renowned makeup artist Francelle Daly, who grew up watching her mother concoct homemade soaps and beauty remedies in their New Orleans home.
For her debut lip-pen collection, Daly constructed her own lab in Brooklyn in order to control every aspect of production, from conception to completion. Combining high pigmentation with deep hydration, each brush-tipped pen can be used as a stick, gloss or stain so you can heighten the impact from day to night. The five shades – from soft pink Argus to vampish currant Sazerac – are inspired by Daly’s memories of her hometown, and vibrant enough to look striking on any skin tone. Need a little inspiration? Daly’s Instagram is a goldmine of save-worthy shots.
Flash quiz: Which of these fairytale ingredients can be found in Kypris’ Glow Philtre face mask: silver ear, sea fennel stem cells, or pomegranate pith? The answer? All three.
This little pot of magic may look like something dreamt up in a Disney film but it’s actually one of the most effective all-organic resurfacing formulas we’ve ever tried. It applies like a dense cream, smells like heaven (citrussy but not sharp), and leaves skin genuinely renewed yet never stripped. There’s absolutely no irritation and it spreads seamlessly, meaning the jar will go a long way. Apply as a 20-minute treatment to hydrate and exfoliate before makeup application, or use as a very indulgent weekly treat.
Food is unifying but it’s far from apolitical. What we eat, who has access to what, and who prepares it all have direct influence on what we put on our plates. The only constant is the need to eat, and the impulse to share. The power of food to unite us is central to Mazí Mas ' vision. Founded by Nikandre Kopcke in 2012, the name literally means ‘with us’ in Greek: it is an invitation to come to the table and share food, and stories, from all over the world. They work with women from migrant and refugee backgrounds, harnessing their skills as home cooks and training them for careers in the kitchen, enabling them to be economically independent. With chefs from around the world, their table is vivid, overflowing with flavour and rooted in these women’s cultural histories. Eating with Mazí Mas is a journey in a very real sense, with dishes from countries as diverse as Ecuador and Costa Rica in Latin America, South Sudan and Iran.
Ahead of the organisation's relaunch dinner on 27th June in London, we spoke to Roberta Siao, who’s been working with Niki since the beginning: initially as a chef (making the most delicious Brazilian cheese bread you’ll ever put in your mouth) before moving on to become general manager of the kitchen. The power and joy of community runs through Mazí Mas: in the relationships the chefs forge, in the impact that working has on their lives, in the food they create. This is how they use food to make a positive, tangible impact on the lives of women whom society often overlooks.
What is Mazí Mas and who do you work with?
Mazí Mas is a catering company and a roaming restaurant. We are a company employing talented women who are from migrant and refugee backgrounds, giving them the opportunities to develop their skills to work in the food industry and to apply their natural talent. They can then go on to work as chefs or open their own businesses. We don’t like to say ‘refugee’ or ‘migrant’ women – we centre the women and their profession, not their situation. Instead of seeing them as women who need help, we turn it around and say, chefs, women who are talented, who happen to be from that background.
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Is there a reason you work with women in particular?
Women from these backgrounds can often be very isolated – new country, new environment, and finding it difficult to find work. Working with us helps them forge their own community, while using skills they’ve already developed as caregivers. Women are generally the ones who really carry the traditions, the experience, the memories of food. As caregivers, they bring up people, and nourish them, so who better than them to cook and for us to eat from – they do generally a better job! [laughs] They bring much more meaningful context to the food – recipes that have been passed from mothers, grandmothers, aunts... and it transforms what they make. All the great chefs always mention that the food they make and the memories they carry is always from a woman – never a man. So who better to eat with than those women?
Because these women are cooking food from their home countries, is there more significance to the dishes they prepare?
It’s about more than just the recipes. What always strikes me the most is the time women spend cooking one particular dish, working on every single process in the preparation. I believe women see the food as a holistic experience, there is a start, middle and an end. It’s almost as if they are the guardians to their families and their identity and they must take extra care to do the recipe, and its history. To give you an example, only today we finished a lentil stew with a new chef, and she added something different that we’d never seen before. She made a lentil stew and she put in some orange peel. To add the orange to the stew is a first, but to have the patience and care of buying the orange, peeling, drying, then preparing and cutting – it’s something else. These women dedicate so much to these special and complex dishes.
Mazí Mas means ‘with us’. How is community important to the project, and to these women?
It’s all about community. A new group of chefs have just met in March for the restaurant and started working together. They already feel like a family! They have their own WhatsApp group, they look after each other and they get support from one another. There’s a real sense of ‘we’re all in it together’. Some of them come from very difficult backgrounds or have very difficult lives here. They found a sense of place in their other chefs.
This is true even after chefs leave us – they are still a part of our family but they have moved on to new jobs and to start their own businesses. The moment you show people their value and that they are talented, they begin to believe themselves and when they believe in themselves they just go. It’s natural as human beings. It’s a wonderful thing.
It’s that old cliché of giving a man a fish vs. teaching him to fish…
Exactly. We want all of these women to be considered and taken exactly as everyone else: they absolutely have the capacity and talent. They don’t need help, they just need opportunity to earn for themselves. Money is what makes thing go around here. If this is the way to belong, of course they need a way to join in and be independent.
And once you open that door...
It’s like, 'Woah – no one can stop me'. It sparks something inside. Now I can really let go and let myself flourish again. A lot of our chefs don’t speak very good English, but since working with us they’ve begun applying for jobs without fear of rejection. And they get jobs! They just have this new power, they are confident they can do it because someone has told them, ‘What you’re doing is great.’ It amazes me, they’re not even bothered that their English is not good enough. They have so much hope, so much energy, so much interest to make it work, that it passes over language barriers. When you create a sense of community and belonging, the meals we share are so much more than just food.
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The family announced his death in a statement released by UC Health Systems, saying, "It is our sad duty to report that our son, Otto Warmbier, has completed his journey home. Surrounded by his loving family, Otto died today at 2:20pm."
The family thanked the University of Cincinnati Medical Center for treating him but said, "Unfortunately, the awful torturous mistreatment our son received at the hands of the North Koreans ensured that no other outcome was possible beyond the sad one we experienced today."
They said they were choosing to focus on the time they were given with their "warm, engaging, brilliant" son instead of focusing on what they had lost.
The University of Virginia student was held for more than 17 months and medically evacuated from North Korea last week. Doctors said he returned with severe brain damage, but it wasn't clear what caused it.
Parents Fred and Cindy Warmbier told The Associated Press in a statement the day of his release that they wanted "the world to know how we and our son have been brutalized and terrorized by the pariah regime " and expressed relief he had been returned to "finally be with people who love him."
He was taken by Medivac to Cincinnati, where he grew up in suburban Wyoming, OH. He was salutatorian of his 2013 class at the highly rated high school, and was on the soccer team among other activities.
Ohio's U.S. senators sharply criticised North Korea soon after his release.
Republican Sen. Rob Portman of the Cincinnati area said North Korea should be "universally condemned for its abhorrent behaviour." Democratic Sen. Sherrod Brown of Cleveland said the country's "despicable actions...must be condemned." Portman added that the Warmbiers have "had to endure more than any family should have to bear."
Three Americans remain held in North Korea. The U.S. government accuses North Korea of using such detainees as political pawns. North Korea accuses Washington and South Korea of sending spies to overthrow its government.
At the time of Warmbier's release, a White House official said Joseph Yun, the U.S. envoy on North Korea, had met with North Korean foreign ministry representatives in Norway the previous month. Such direct consultations between the two governments are rare because they don't have formal diplomatic relations.
At the meeting, North Korea agreed that Swedish diplomats could visit all four American detainees. Yun learned about Warmbier's condition in a meeting a week before the release. Yunthen dispatched to North Korea and visited Warmbier June 12 with two doctors and demanded his release on humanitarian grounds.
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If you're in the UK, chances are you're having trouble staying awake today, because last night was an absolute scorcher and you probably spent most of it tossing and turning. #TooHotToSleep has been trending on Twitter all morning, with non-sleepers complaining about the heat in the form of some hilarious memes.
If the temperature reaches 30C again today and tomorrow, it will be the first five-day heatwave for 22 years. The weekend saw highs of 32.1C, with many of us still nursing our sunburnt skin and Pimm's-induced hangovers.
While there's no concrete definition of "heatwave", it's usually taken to mean a prolonged period of abnormally hot weather. “Heatwave is a funny term – we don’t really have a definition of it in the UK," said Emma Sharples, a spokeswoman at the Met Office.
She added: "But none of us can deny it has been a prolonged period of hot weather, and night-time temperatures have been quite unusually high, which can also be the cause of potential health problems, as well as a lot of restless nights,” the Guardian reported.
Public Health England has even issued a hot weather warning, prompted by reports from the Met Office that the hot weather will stick around until Thursday. "For the majority of people it is about common sense - staying cool, drinking plenty of water to maintain hydration, and avoiding sunburn," it said, reminding us to look out for vulnerable groups, including those with underlying heart and lung conditions, older people, babies and young children.
Wednesday (21st) or Thursday (22nd) could even end up being the hottest day of the year, with predictions that the south of England could reach 34C, reported the Guardian.
The meteorology behind all this? An air mass coming from the tropical parts of the Atlantic, specifically around the Azores islands, and France and Spain's recent scorching conditions being pushed northwards, are reportedly the cause.
Good luck sleeping tonight. You may already be dreading it, but at least you're not alone.
When I was gifted my first pair of maternity leggings, it was a hand-me-down from one of my most well-styled friends. The one who always had shoes to go with her bag, and earrings that matched her hand-scape — and everything always looked new. "You're never going to want to take them off," she promised. I think sending them halfway across the country to me was the only way she could be sure she'd finally stop wearing them.
I’m not saying my friend has “let herself go” (because, first of all, that phrase can F off). But she has definitely calmed down with the boutique-trolling, and instead finds a cute item here and there while shopping at Target, for her family. A mum myself now, I can understand that shift in priorities. If any of us has slacked in the self-styling department after kids, it isn't because maternity panties hold the secret to true lusty appeal, and leggings are the best pants. And it’s not because we want to look the part — like a martyr who is generally a disaster.
It's because money. And time, too. And not feeling we have enough of either, nor the right to use them the same way we did before.
Fashion resale site ThredUp released statistics today around women's shopping habits across the country, and its survey found a whole lot of "mum guilt." Mums are 48% more likely than non-mums to feel shopping guilt, and two out of three mums reportedly feel it.
"Not to be such a psychologist about it," says Jessica Zucker, PhD, who is indeed a psychologist specialising in maternal health, "but to me these numbers are kind of troubling, because it seems that it's more of an identity crisis than it is a simple matter of buying stuff. Women are having difficulty knowing how to best take care of themselves in the midst of new motherhood."
It's not hard to understand how we'd get there: Why would I buy myself pants with hems and pockets and a zipper, in a style that's probably only going to last another two months, when they cost as much as about three months' of diapers? (Even if I can afford both.) Plus, that tent-y trapeze dress I wore for the last month of pregnancy two years ago still fits...it’s just a little more tent-y now.
I'd like to remind mums that even though there are endless responsibilities and things that now come 'before' them, it's just as important to take care of themselves as before.
Along with the survey, ThredUp has released a campaign of videos called "Splurge Responsibly," which show its site as the cure-all for this calculus. This is the jumpsuit that brings your sexy back. You can wear those stretch pants ev-er-y-where, promises another.
It's not just "an excuse" that mums are lacking. It's time. The majority of women look at an item of clothing multiple times before clicking buy, but ThredUp found mums are twice as likely as non-mums to look at something five or more times before purchasing it. Raise your hand if you know a mum who can spend five times as long shopping than before she had kids.
"We were surprised to see just how much stress and indecision mothers in particular feel when deciding to buy something for themselves," says ThredUp head of brand Jenna Bray.
For me, the single biggest lifestyle change has been the end of that certain kind of spontaneity that often found me shopping just because. The momentary decision to walk the long way home, and maybe stop in a store I happened upon, and maybe spend two hours and a couple bucks there, is just not possible — for me, as a working mum, right now.
But it's not just me, is it? ThredUp found that 70% of mums shop less impulsively than they did before having kids. (Dr. Zucker points out the very obvious reason for shopping less, and less impulsively, which is the mounting expenses you never had to worry about pre-kid. Sometimes the choice literally is between diapers and a for-fun new outfit, and in that case the choice isn't one at all.)
If every purchase has to be planned and considered and mulled over five times as I weigh whether or not I deserve it, or if I deserve it more than my daughter deserves that block of time with me or a bump in our savings for her future, I’m probably not going to make many purchases. It’s just harder to convince myself that it’s okay.
But motherhood shouldn't be a maze in which we lose ourselves, says Dr. Zucker. "I'd like to remind mums that even though there are endless responsibilities and things that now come 'before' them, it's just as important to take care of themselves as before — if not more. If we don't tend to ourselves, we're not going to have much to give."
It's not as if we have to shop for ourselves for the sake of our kids, but it's at least worth trying to shake off some of the unhelpful feelings when we want to click buy. And that friend of mine? She never asked for those leggings back, and still looks cool-girl great, scummy mummy sweatpants and all. I can only hope she wears them guilt-free.
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In 2017, the negatives of social media might just outweigh the positives. You will have listened to and read about and observed for yourself the myriad complaints about the detrimental effect it is having on our lives. Many now blame the likes of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for the increase in procrastination, low self-esteem, and various mental health issues.
But like a moth to a flame, we keep getting sucked back into the alluring matrix of likes, swipes, shares, reposts, retweets, pokes, double taps and tags. I've tried time and time again to reduce my screen time but the sheer habit of scrolling through my phone, coupled with the fear of missing out on other people's fun, throws my willpower out the window.
Based in Oakland, California, developer and improv actor Dan Kurtz recognised the cycle of social media as "meaninglessness" and decided to create an app with a little twist: the unsocial social media app, Binky. Yep, you heard – an app that allows you to like, comment, swipe left and right to your heart’s content, with no social interaction whatsoever. Released in February, the app has already caught the internet's undivided attention, and has been downloaded more than 20,000 times in just a few weeks.
The unsocial feed is essentially an algorithm of random images ranging from duck-shaped courgettes to chips or a bookmark, with a simple descriptive caption. Nothing else, no liking or ‘binking’ back. Neither are you able to type your own comments under the images – the comments are pre-programmed and appear as you start typing, leaving you involuntarily writing #eyebrowsonfleek, #wholetthedogsout and whoompthereitis under a picture of a gecko. It is totally monotonous and yet extremely pleasurable – much like social media, minus the social anxiety.
"Binky demonstrates that the reason we scroll through social media is not because we want to keep up with the news or see photos of friends who are happier than us. We do it because we want to scroll through stuff on our phones," Kurtz told Mashable. Like a baby with a dummy, Binky distracts. It gives you something to do without you realising that you’re doing absolutely nothing.
Kurtz continues: “I don’t even want that level of cognitive engagement with anything, but I feel like I ought to be looking at my phone, like it’s my default state of being.” Preach. Binky gives us exactly what we're looking for, without the social complications. Sure, it might make you feel a bit of an idiot as you scroll and swipe through the infinite feed of arbitrary pictures. What the app does most successfully, though, is prove a point: that social media is a largely pointless addiction. Good one, Binky, good one.
From the moment the exit poll was revealed at 10pm on election night, the surprising surge in Labour support was attributed to a “youthquake”. Young people, galvanised by Corbyn’s youth-friendly manifesto and memeability, were responsible for the prime minister’s humiliating defeat, so the story went.
Naturally, once the celebratory hangovers wore off, we spent days patting ourselves on the back and basking in the glow of sweet (semi-) victory – but were we right to? Did as many of us actually head to the polls as everyone thought, or was youth turnout wildly overestimated? It was vastly underestimated after the EU referendum, after all, so maybe the so-called experts were overcompensating this time around?
Well, kind of, according to new data from pollster Ipsos Mori, which has published youth turnout figures for every general election since 1979. Just over half (54%) of all 18-to-24-year-olds cast their ballots – far from the estimate of 72% that was made early on, but still the highest level in 25 years.
This means that, of those young people who registered to vote, 64% actually voted – the highest youth turnout since 1992, when 67% of this demographic voted.
Turnout was similar among 25-to-34-year-olds, with 55% of all adults that age voting. Meanwhile, turnout among over-55s decreased slightly.
No surprises for guessing which party benefited from the surge in youth turnout. Ipsos Mori attributed the swing to Labour to under-45-year-olds, mainly those in the 25-to-34 age bracket.
Of the 18-to-24-year-olds who took to the polls, 62% voted for Labour, 27% voted Conservative, 5% voted Lib Dem, 2% voted for Ukip and 4% voted for other parties, BuzzFeed News reported. By contrast, the over-65s were similarly likely to back the Conservatives (61%). Ukip support declined among every age group.
The difference in party preferences between age groups means that age, not class, is now the defining indicator of party support. The gap between young Labour supporters and over-55 Conservative voters is now the biggest it's been since Ipsos Mori began collecting the data in 1979.
— Ben Page, Ipsos MORI (@benatipsosmori) June 20, 2017
There was also a gender element to the Labour "youthquake", with a huge swing for Labour and Corbyn among younger women (18 points) compared with younger men (3.5 points), reported the Guardian.
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When you bring a date somewhere, whether they're your partner of many years or your most recent Tinder match, it's natural to want to make your relationship appear picture-perfect. But sometimes you and your partner are just not there. While there's not exactly an opportune time to get into an argument with your S.O., when you start to fight right as your Uber is arriving to take you to a party or event, it kind of sucks. So what should you do: Go to the party mad or try to resolve the argument before you get there?
How you decide to handle the situation depends on the actual argument, but the most important thing to do in scenarios like this is to try to be levelheaded, says Goal Auzeen Saedi, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist. That means you may want to restrain from going to the party and sulking the whole time, or texting all your friends that your partner is a jerk (both of which can be very tempting).
"Ideally, it would help significantly to try to resolve concerns prior to arriving," Dr. Saedi says. If you're fighting about something small (for example, your partner forgot to pick up wine to bring to the party), then you should try to fix it before you get to the function. If you're pouting or stewing at the party, it won't be fun for you, and it'll be uncomfortable for everyone around you, too. "Tension can be quite palpable," Dr. Saedi says. So, if you can, figure it out or suck it up.
You might be tempted to tell someone at the party that you're in a fight, so they don't judge your behaviour, but that's not wise, either. "What's between a couple is between them," Dr. Saedi says. "Too many times, individuals poll the audience for advice and enter other people into their private business." Of course, if you really do need help from your friends and family to get through a rough patch, you should definitely ask for it, "but a public party is definitely not the venue for such heart to hearts," she says.
Putting on a happy face might seem like you're being fake, but Dr. Saedi says that's the most mature thing you can do. "It shows you can be an adult, compartmentalise, and be a courteous guest," she says. This isn't just about being polite and keeping up appearances, though, because being able to compartmentalise can be an important skill in a relationship, she says.
Let things percolate, process, and calm down.
That said, there are some arguments that you can't fix right away. In some cases, if you're having trouble working through heated emotions, then one of you or both of you should just stay home, Dr. Saedi says. "Let things percolate, process, and calm down," she says. Individuals process conflict at their own pace, which can be hard to grasp as a couple, but it's really important to remember that as you suss things out, she says. Spending a few hours alone might give you the clarity you need to figure out what you want, and how you're going to achieve it.
If you and your partner got into a heated fight or woke up some larger, dormant fight, then you probably shouldn't try to solve your issues before the party, or even later on that night, Dr. Saedi says. You've probably heard the saying, "don't go to bed angry," but the truth is that sometimes you should put arguments aside until you can address them with the right attention they deserve, Dr. Saedi says. "You don't want to superficially resolve the argument just so you can get over the discomfort," she says. "Maybe the disagreement was over something bigger that requires more attention." In that case, you and your partner might decide to wait until the morning after the party, when you're both feeling fresh, to talk things through.
The good news is, there's no reason to overthink the significance of the event, and oftentimes you can really just skip the whole thing if you don't feel like you and your partner are on solid footing, Dr. Saedi says. "Many times, we can build [events] up too much in our heads," she says. "I'd recommend the couple skip the event altogether and work things out between them, rather than have passive aggressive behaviours all night long."
And if you can't skip it? Hopefully, you and your partner can agree on one thing: You'll figure it out together — after the party.
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For seven years, the Syrian people have suffered under the weight of a civil war that evolved into a complex, vicious conflict. The war led to a widespread refugee crisis, and while the rest of the world seems to have fallen numb to the refugees' plight, the Syrian people still remember the loved ones they lost. And sometimes a way to do so is through a portrait's empty spaces.
Lost Family Portraits, by photojournalist Dario Mitidieri, shows Syrian refugee families alongside empty spaces representing the loved ones who have disappeared or died throughout the course of the war. CAFOD, the Catholic Church of England and Wales' aid agency, commissioned the project, and Mitidieri collaborated with the London-based creative agency M&C Saatchi to create the photo essay's concept.
Mitidieri traveled to refugee camps based in the Bekaa Valley of Lebanon, where he interviewed several families. Some of them had just arrived to the camp, while others had been there for a while. But the common thread was that every single family had lost multiple people throughout the war, either because their loved ones disappeared, died, or the families were forced to leave them behind when they fled the country.
"In Lebanon alone, there's 1.3 million refugees. One-third of the population is refugees from Syria," Mitidieri says. "But no one is talking about it. It's not news anymore. They were left behind."
He adds, "They have been forgotten. And so the intent of this project is to give them a voice."
There are 65.6 million forcibly displaced people in the world, according to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. About 22.5 million are classified as refugees, 5.5 million of which come from Syria. As of now, it doesn't look like the conflict in Syria will end anytime soon, meaning thousands more will likely be displaced.
"This massive number of displaced people – the worst since the UN started keeping its numbers – is made up of individual people who are caught in unthinkable circumstances and who have been forced to make the impossible decision to leave their homes behind to seek safety for themselves and their loved ones," Noah Gottschalk, Oxfam America’s senior humanitarian policy advisor, said in a statement provided to Refinery29.
He added, "These new numbers underscore that the global community must immediately offer stronger lifelines to these vulnerable people as they flee for their lives, and also work together to tackle the root causes of the problem. While the number of refugees who desperately need our help remains unacceptably high, President Trump’s administration, and many in Congress, seek to slam the door shut on refugees."
For Mitidieri, Lost Family Portraits is a way to make people remember there are currently millions of Syrian refugees spread throughout the world. They are unable to go back to the place they call home, and at the same time, it's impossible for many of their loved ones to flee the horror.
He said the subjects he photographed and interviewed "came forward, willingly, despite the fact that they're still afraid." Among the things they fear is the safety of the family they left behind, who might be harmed by the militant groups in the country or the Syrian regime.
"But despite all these fears, they decided to come forward to tell the stories because they want their stories to be heard," he says. "They don't want to be forgotten."
KHAWLE'S FAMILY
Khawle’s family arrived in the camp five months ago, leaving their grandmother, three brothers, and two sisters in Syria.
While escaping from the country, their bus was stopped and they were told to get out. They continued the rest of the journey on foot, but ran into some ISIS fighters. One of Khawle’s daughters has a learning disability and ISIS targeted her. They beat her so badly that she couldn’t move for days.
"Perhaps we might stay like this for the rest of our lives", says 44-year-old Khawle. "I don’t have anything to be happy for, just to live like this. I feel sad living here without all of my children."
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
MOHAMMED’S FAMILY
Just over a year ago, 55-year-old Mohammed was sitting in his living room with his family when a missile hit their home.
The missile’s shrapnel severely injured their eldest son. The family ran, but in the chaos, their son disappeared.
Mohammed hears from reports back home that his son’s injuries force him to behave extremely irrationally, including destroying his ID papers, essential for getting to safety.
The family lives on tenterhooks wondering whether the next communication about their son will be notification of his death.
Mohammed says, "I live with hope that one day soon the war will stop, and our family will be whole again."
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
RAZIR'S FAMILY
The family had to flee Syria after Razir’s husband was kidnapped and executed.
Razir, 40, didn’t have enough money to bring all of her children to safety, so she had to make the decision: Which two do I leave behind? With no other option, she left her two oldest girls.
The family hasn’t heard from the girls in seven months.
They now live in a tent no bigger than a single bedroom. Their only possessions are a blanket the size of a bath towel and the clothes on their backs.
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
SOURAYA'S FAMILY
Two years ago, Souraya’s husband told her to take their children and flee to Lebanon for safety. He knew that where they lived was too dangerous for the family. In the meantime, he stayed to look after their home and find work.
Five months ago, he had the money to join his 34-year-old wife and young children living in the camp, but was seriously injured when the bus he was traveling on was hit by a missile. He is still recovering in a hospital in Beirut.
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
KALILA’S FAMILY
Kalila’s husband, Ahmed, told her to leave Syria, as it was too dangerous for them to live there. He was forced to stay because of "security matters."
She took her children and fled for Lebanon.
“I want my voice heard," Kalila says. "We need basics here: food, winter supplies, and especially medicines for the children."
After the picture was taken, Ahmed reunited with the family and is now living with them in the Bekaa Valley.
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
ALI’S FAMILY
Two years ago, the home that 42-year-old Ali spent 10 years building, was hit by a missile.
Ali fled the country with his wife and children, but his mother, father, brother, and two sisters were left behind. He speaks with his family in Syria over WhatsApp, using a secret code, too frightened that their messages will be intercepted.
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
AMMOUNA'S FAMILY
When the bombardment intensified in her home town, Ammouna told the family it was time to leave. They took only what they were wearing.
The journey was a dangerous one – like so many others, they took a bus and the bus had to stop in the mountains bordering Syria and Lebanon. There, the family had to get out and walk, braving the dangerous territory where armed groups were fighting each other.
Ammouna worries about her father, who she left behind.
“I try to speak to him as often as I can, but it is difficult," she says. "Sometimes I can’t get a signal on my phone and other times we worry about what we say to each other in case someone is listening."
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
MAHMOUD'S FAMILY
Mahmoud’s young family had arrived in the camp just twenty days before this picture was taken.
Forty days before, they lost their beloved mother. The family had gone to the market to buy food, leaving the mother at home. When they came back, their home and everything in it had been reduced to dust, laid waste by a missile from a bombing raid.
The family misses her, and each of the children is suffering trauma after witnessing atrocities in their home country.
When asked about the future, the father says, "We have no future. We have nothing".
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
OWAYED’S FAMILY
Owayed’s family arrived in the camp six months ago, after traveling through snow-covered mountains for five days with very little food and water.
On the journey, they met a group of armed men. Owayed, 62, was forced to leave his four sons behind — one of whom is blind. The youngest has disappeared.
Owayed received WhatsApp messages from his sons regularly. Then one day, the messages went dead. He hasn’t heard from them since.
"It is not a life here. We do not live," he says of life in the camp. "We have safety, but this is no life."
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
SAHAR’S FAMILY
Sahar, 50, says before the war she lived "a good life, a simple life." Her husband had died and her children looked after her.
A year-and-a-half ago, Sahar was woken from her bed in the middle of the night by the sound of airstrikes. She woke her three children staying with her and managed to escape.
Her other six children were unable to leave. She hasn’t heard any news from them since.
"It breaks my heart not having all my children here," she says. "I cry all day thinking of them."
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
GHAZIEH'S FAMILY
Ghazieh’s husband was killed by missiles while she was shopping for food.
She knew it was unsafe to stay, so she ran with her children. But on the journey into the Bekaa Valley, they were trapped in the middle of several armed groups that were fighting.
After two days, there was a ceasefire and she took her children to safety in the camp.
"My home has been destroyed and I have lost my husband. It is so sad what is happening to Syria, but I ask that you think of us, you think of my children," she says. "We have come from danger, from bombs, from death, and we are safe. We are safe, but there is nothing for us here."
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
MOHAMMED’S FAMILY
Two years ago, 45-year-old Mohammed was celebrating the wedding of his daughter, when a missile hit the building they were in.
The family ran wherever they could, leaving everything behind, including their newlywed daughter. The family has heard no news of her, but they hope she's in Turkey.
"We have heard nothing since her wedding night," Mohammed says. "If I saw her today, I would ask her how she has been, what she has been doing, and what is going on in her life."
Photographed by Dario Mitidieri.
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You can't hold a good girl group down, and Fifth Harmony is proof of that. Though the group has whittled down from five to four young women (in December of 2016, Camila Cabello left the group to pursue a solo career), Fifth Harmony continues to be as strong as ever. The group's new single, a collaboration with Gucci Mane titled "Down," had their highest iTunes debut of their careers, and their upcoming third album is one that the entire group says they are thrilled to put out into the universe. Speaking with Refinery29 during a Facebook Live interview, the group explained that they didn't always have the confidence to control their careers — and that there were plenty of external pressures keeping them down. Fortunately, the group has been able to rise above the noise to create something pretty beautiful.
The girls of Fifth Harmony revealed that they felt a lot of pressure when they found themselves in the spotlight, and during the early days of their stardom sometimes felt that they had to go the road alone.
"I feel like, low-key, to a certain point, we were all going through it alone," Lauren Jauregui admits during the Facebook Live interview. "We were all in our own world, and also, the context of being in a girl group, it's kind of hard sometimes as well because the world pits you against each other whether you want to be or not."
"Everything was so beautiful until people have an opinion about you," Dinah Jane tells Refinery29. "Not only would people in your circle tell you, 'Oh, Dinah, you have to be this, you have to do this,' but for everybody to come into your bubble and say you're this, you're that, it's kind of, in a way, like a bully. But to stand beside three other girls and to know that they are going through the same thing, we were each other's crutch. At that time, I feel that we loved ourselves the hardest, and we took the time to be alone, and to shower ourselves with love. To know that we are worth more than what people are saying about us."
That's not to say that confidence came easy. Ally Brooke reveals she struggled with insecurity, despite being a member of a rising girl group. These days, however, she's more confident than ever:
"I'm more sure of who I am and for me to say that is a milestone for me, because I just struggled so much with insecurity and finding myself," says Brooke.
When asked how the girls work to advocate for themselves, Normani Kordei says it's all about sticking together.
"I honestly think it's unity," Kordei tells Refinery29.
"If we don't feel comfortable with something, we're united on that," adds Jauregui. "There have been moments when the label will want a certain song to be a single, and it's just not reflective of us, and it's just not who we are, and there's no way we can connect to that. We've had to fight at times, and we've had to be strong. We've had to put our foot down [and say] we're more than this, we're more than what you're trying to submit us to."
"At the end of the day, that's the mark that we're leaving," says Kordei. "It's [about] the last impression and the messaging that we want to leave to the rest of the world."
Check out the entire Facebook Live interview below:
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It's easy to tell people to ask for more: Demand what you deserve. Push until the other person gives you what you are due.
And there is wisdom in some of that — you rarely get what you don't ask for. But in practical terms, it's incredibly difficult to do. I don't see myself as a natural negotiator or someone who can comfortably push others until they bend. In my mind, a great negotiator is something of a bully. A strong person who intimidates and shoves their way into a "yes" is the person who excels in these scenarios. Since I'm not that person, I assume I'm at a natural disadvantage.
So, when I heard about Chris Voss, the former lead hostage negotiator for the FBI, who had a method that challenged all of my stereotypes about what "good negotiation" looked like, I suspected there might be a different path forward for me. Voss' book, Never Split The Difference, is a manual for getting your way through empathy rather than aggression.
I invited Voss to R29 to speak to the team about his negotiation tactics, and he shared that in the seminars he teaches, women almost always take to his method faster and better than men do. His theory about why: "Women are socialised — quote socialised — to be a little more emotional-intelligence aware, and also to lean a little more towards sympathy. And it’s a shorter step to empathy from sympathy if you’ve already got a little bit of a grounding in emotional intelligence than if you haven’t."
There are some generalisations underlying that idea, but it certainly ran true to my own experience. So, I asked Voss to break down the 10 easiest way for anyone to put his method to work. Some of what he suggests seems counterintuitive — and some of it, like the mirror technique, is surprisingly difficult to get right at first — but having seen it all in action now, I'm eager to master this method. It's likely not a fit for every personality, but it appeals to mine. And even if the whole method doesn't work for you, his controversial approach to saying sorry and his idea about seeking out a "no" rather than a "yes" are universally interesting — and certainly worth considering.
Calm Your Mind
The first issue to address is that pre-negotiation rising heart rate coupled with gut-twisting fear. To conquer it, Voss says, "Simply say to yourself as the negative possibilities crash through your mind: 'That’s a possibility.' It’s a simple recognition that causes the brain to interact with itself in a way that puts you back in control."
Voss tells a story of coaching a man in the Philippines through a negotiation with a kidnapper, to save his brother's life — a high-stress situation if ever there were one. He says, this man "knew his brother might not come out alive and it could well be beyond his control. He simply recognised that was a possibility — and he performed like a star. He saved his brother’s life. Not knowing at the time how he had been able to perform so well under pressure, I asked him about it later. He told me, 'I just said to myself, That’s a possibility, when I got scared that my brother might not come back to us. It calmed me down.'”
Check Your Listening Skills
Paraphrase/summarise what your conversation partner has said to you until they say “that’s right” ( not “you’re right”).
Stephen Covey’s guidance (from “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”) was: “Seek first to understand, then be understood”. Mr. Covey should have been a hostage negotiator.
How do we do it though… and why?
We do it by getting the other person to say “that’s right.” NOT “you’re right”.
“That’s right” is what someone says when they feel completely understood. “You’re right” is what we say to people we still like to get them to stop talking and go away. “That’s right” is their confirmation they feel empathy from you.
So, summarise the situation from their perspective and how they feel about it. Especially if we don’t like how they feel about it. Then go silent (Voss calls this an effective pause). Let them say “that’s right” and let empathy take its course.
Handle The “Yes” Trap
We all know “yes” is used to trap us; it’s every salesman’s routine. Get someone to say 3 little “yeses” (“confirmation yes”) then spring the trap with the big one (“COMMITMENT YES”). It’s also referred to as the “Yes Momentum,” “Momentum Selling,” and “Mere Agreement”.
Our pursuer is convinced if they can just get us saying “yes” we will be hypnotised / trapped / tied down and give them what they want. It’s one of the reasons that there are actually 3 kinds of “yes”: commitment, confirmation and counterfeit.
And “counterfeit yes” is the most frequent imposter of “commitment yes.” It might be in a tie for first place with “you’re right” as the most common form of false agreement.
To avoid the "yes" trap, try handling the conversation like this:
Respond: “If the answer is ‘yes’ - where is this going?”
As always, a polite, gentle tone of voice is how you deliver your words to your listener.
Understand The Value Of “No”
“No” is protection. “Yes” is commitment. “No” instantly makes people feel safe while “yes” creates hesitation. It makes people worry about what they might be committing themselves to.
Your “yes-oriented” questions (“Do you…? Would you…?”) can simply be flipped by changing the beginning to something like:
“Is it ridiculous…..?”
“Would it be horrible…?”
“Is it a bad idea….?”
“Have you given up on…?”
“Have you given up on this project?” is the 1-line email that is solid gold. (Make sure you’re ready for a quick answer!)
“Is it ridiculous for you to come speak at the negotiation course I teach at USC?” got Jack Welch to stop dead in his tracks and give me his personal assistant’s contact information so we could try to make the calendars sync up.
“Would it be horrible if we sat in this section?” is the question I asked a waitress when members of our group were trying to get into a roped-off section of a restaurant. We’d just come out of a conference and only wanted a Happy Hour drink and all the seating was gone. She said: “Not as long as you’re out of here by 6.”
“Is it a bad idea….? was used by a negotiator to reword an option a counterpart had been resisting. “No it wouldn’t be” – and the deal was made.
Put An End To Yelling & Shouting
“I can’t hear you when you yell at me.”
These were the words of a hostage negotiator talking to a hostage taker on the phone during a prison siege. After it was repeated in a calm fashion 3 times, the hostage taker stopped yelling.
Anger is a power tool. It’s often a tool a manipulation and dominance. It’s meant to make you listen. But what happens when the user feels it’s backfiring? They stop to rethink.
This works with interrupters as well. “I can’t hear you when you’re interrupting me.”
These are forms of an “I” message – the principal tool for setting boundaries against bad behaviour. Therapists, psychologists and hostage negotiators all use “I” messages in various form to limit unproductive and manipulative verbal conduct.
The calm, even soothing tone of voice is an essential element. Calm is contagious. It displays poise and confidence.
Turn The Mirror On Bluffers
How do we uncover bluffing, protect ourselves, and not cause anyone to lose face?
A “mirror” is repeating the last 1-3 words the counterpart has just said. Repeat word-for-word as a question. This means your voice needs to inflect up as if you’re asking a question.
This is not mirroring the counterpart’s demeanour or tone of voice. It is repeating the exact 1-3 selected words, with a genuine questioning tone of voice, word-for-word. Then go silent. (Don’t ask “Have I got that right?”)
The Jedi mind trick here is that people will reword what they’ve just said. You’re just encouraged them to go on and you’ve done it in a way that begins to subtly shift their approach (favourably) to you. Their rewording and delivery will give you what you need to know: When they are just bluffing, they will soften their stance with both rewording and lengthening (the Pinocchio Effect).
If it’s not a bluff, they’ll be concise.
Full disclosure: The first few times you do this you’ll feel awkward!
Don't Be Afraid Of "Sorry"
“I’m sorry. That doesn’t work for me. I want us to succeed.”
“I’m sorry” is a phrase that women are often criticised for using too much. There's nothing wrong with it. It's a matter of sequencing. Its strategic intention is to soften the delivery of bad news, or to be nurturing. It’s just a matter of timing. The most effective way to use it is at the beginning of a statement.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that. I want us to succeed.”
“I’m sorry, that doesn’t work for me. I want us to succeed.”
The best way to deliver bad news is to give the receiver a slight moment to brace themselves and then deliver it. Then, make a statement that shows a continuing regard for the relationship yet doesn’t commit you to anything other than being willing to work collaboratively.
Embrace—& Appreciate—The Grey Area
We love “yes” so much – and fear “no” so much – that we are often a hostage to both. The real negotiation is in the space between “yes” and “no.” And it’s not antagonistic to explore it.
The way to do that is to respectfully clarify and ask for context using a "label." A label begins with the words “It seems like….” “It sounds like…” “It looks like…” “It feels like…”.
There an intentional simplicity to the word choice. The label is designed to be an observation, not an accusation. It’s also designed to provoke a thoughtful response from your counterpart. (It’s not: “What I’m hearing is…”). Here are some examples:
“It feels like you got a real vision for this.”
“It seems like you know where you want this to go.”
“It sounds like I may be answering without having all the relevant facts you have.”
“It looks like there’s more here than meets the eye.”
Know How Far To Push
“How am I supposed to do that?”
This phrase, said gently and respectfully, may be one of the single most effective ways to find out how far to push. The secret to gaining the upper the upper hand in a negotiation is giving the other side the illusion of control. This is one of the key phrases that does that.
It works for two reasons: For one, people love to be asked almost any how questions. It gives them the opportunity to impart their “wisdom.” Secondly, the design of this phrase actually makes them take a good look (maybe even “fair-minded”) at your situation to see your challenges. It’s a form of inducing empathy into the situation to your advantage.
The vast majority of the time, if they can offer you a concession or other alternative, they will introduce it here.
If they can’t they will respond with something close to “If you want an agreement, you’ll do it.” If they haven’t said this yet, continue to reintroduce this phrase until they do.
Then, you’ve actually reached you goal because you’ve pushed as far as possible and you’re still talking. No one has gotten mad and stormed off.
Try The “Oprah” Rule
People don’t tend to remember things as they happened. Rather, they remember the most intense moment and how it ended. This means that the last impression is the lasting one. It's even more important than first impressions.
Cindy Mori, Oprah Winfrey’s booking producer of over 17 years, says a cardinal rule of the show was to always make sure every guest left feeling happy, valued, and respected. When people take parting shots, or have to have the last word (negative) after someone else has had their last word (negative), it seeds the next conversation with negativity.
As a hostage negotiator, I’d been involved with several major sieges where we completely turned a negative dynamic around by making sure we ended each conversation on a positive note. For great long-term relationships, like Oprah (and Cindy Mori), end positively.
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Dalya Zeno was 13 years old when she moved to the US with her mother from war-torn Syria in 2012. They joined her two brothers who were already living in Los Angeles, and Zeno began adjusting to life as a newly American teenager.
Now at 18, she's graduated from high school and just finished her first year of college at Pasadena City College outside L.A.
On June 26, a documentary chronicling Zeno's high school life as a Syrian refugee in California will premiere in the US (UK release TBC). Dalya's Other Country offers a glimpse at what the past few years have been like for Zeno and her family. Ahead of the documentary's release, we chatted with her on World Refugee Day about moving to the US, going to a Catholic high school, and how she feels being a Muslim refugee in America's current political climate.
What's it like going to a Catholic school and wearing a hijab? In the documentary, it says you were the only student wearing a hijab.
Honestly, at the beginning, I didn’t want to go because I was so afraid that I would stand out even more than I would stand out in a public school.
I was very nervous about that…but throughout the years, I loved going to this Catholic high school. I learned so much and I loved it. It honestly taught me a lot, and it made me become more open minded coming here. I loved learning about someone else’s religion and the way of living. I went to church with them every week, and it was a very interesting experience. I'm only 18, but it's one of the best experiences of my 18 years.
Photo: Anne Etheridge
Were you able to make friends pretty quickly?
The first year, I was very awkward — I personally was awkward, because I was afraid. I was afraid of coming to this new life and adjusting and changing so suddenly … I’m really a social person, but not when I first came here because I was afraid. But then slowly, by my sophomore year, I started getting closer with people, and by my junior year, we were all like family.
Was there anything you did or told yourself to help get over the fear?
My way of fitting in and trying to make friends is me trying to be on everyone’s level. So, because I didn’t live here my whole life, I came here and I felt like I had so much to catch up on, plus make new friends. So I was like: Okay, you have to make like three times the effort my other peers are doing.
I joined sports, and music, and I did ceramics. These things are unconsciously me trying to fit in and kind of being like everyone else.
Is there anything you really miss about Syria?
I definitely miss my family, and I feel like there, my life was more stable because I came here so suddenly. Now my life is definitely stabilising a lot, and I love it here, but I think I was just so used to life there. I was born there; I lived there my whole life. I miss my friends.
Life there was kind of easy. [Here] you’re always working, you’re always doing something, you have no time. Time goes by so fast. But there, it wasn’t like that. You would go out, and the day would go by so slow because you’re having a lot of fun — you’re comfortable.
What do you want to do now that you're out of high school?
I want to do architecture ... The place I lived my whole life is kind of falling apart and being destroyed. I can't contribute in any way to that because I can’t stop the war. But I think one of the ways I can contribute is by being an architect and maybe rebuilding it one day — going back and rebuilding it. Perhaps it's a big dream.
I also wanted to ask you a little bit about politics, because I know you touch on it in the documentary. How did you feel during the 2016 election, when now-President Trump first proposed banning Muslims from entering the US?
When he was first running for president, I honestly didn’t think he was going to win whatsoever. I kind of like thought it was a joke, honestly. I didn't take it seriously at all.
But when he actually became president, I was like: Oh my god, this is getting real, and I don’t know how this is happening. So, I was a little bit fearful. But after his election, I saw so many Americans, especially minority groups, standing up with each other and saying “no” to the muslim ban, for example, and all these things that he’s doing and asking for.
You’re always going to have people standing by you, and that brings a lot of comfort for me.
If given the chance, what would you say to President Trump about his travel ban?
It’s obvious why I’m against it, but also, if I wasn’t blessed with American citizenship, I would have been in the place of these people. I have family here, and I wouldn’t have been able to visit them and come here. People are coming either to visit or even to seek refuge, and you’re banning these people who are seeking refuge, not what [you] call "terrorists."
Terrorists will make their way into anywhere. Terrorist are not just going to come from these countries. To me, it’s really unrealistic. You’re only banning the people who don’t have access to anything.
Is there anything you wish Americans knew about refugees moving here from places like Syria?
These are just people seeking refuge, and seeking a better life, and running away from terrorism that is going on in their country. These are people that feel so alone.
These are just normal people, and what happened to them was so sudden, and that can happen to anyone.
With anti-Muslim sentiment reaching frightening levels, it's more important than ever to see counterexamples of the Islamophobic stereotypes we've been taught. And one of the most well-known celebrities who shatters stereotypes about Muslims is Zayn Malik, who is half-Pakistani and half-British. In an interview with Evening Standard, he talked about what the religion he was raised with means to him and how it's shaped his experiences.
"I take a great sense of pride — and responsibility — in knowing that I am the first of my kind, from my background," he said. "I’m not currently practicing but I was raised in the Islamic faith, so it will always be with me, and I identify a lot with the culture. But I’m just me. I don’t want to be defined by my religion or my cultural background."
His background has, however, influenced people's perceptions of him. He believes, for example, it's led airport security to be more suspicious of him. "The first time I came to America, I had three security checks before I got on the plane; first they said that I’d been randomly selected, and then they said it was something to do with my name, it was flagging something on their system," he said. "Then when I landed, it was like a movie. They kept me there for three hours, questioning me about all kinds of crazy stuff. I was 17, my first time in America, jet-lagged off the plane, confused. The same thing happened the next time too."
Zayn's girlfriend Gigi Hadid, who is half-Palestinian, has also spoken out against Islamophobia by protesting Trump's travel ban with a sign reading "we are all humans." Her sister Bella told Porter magazine that this issue hit "very close to home" because their father came to the US as a refugee. "I am proud to be a Muslim," she said.
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One of the UK's worst fires ever hit London's Grenfell Tower last week, killing an estimated 79 people and injuring dozens more. As a Londoner herself, the fire deeply affected Adele, which led her to get in touch with the firefighters. The London Fire Brigade shared photos of the singer having tea with them on Facebook, Entertainment Tonight reports.
According to the post, Adele stopped by Chelsea Fire Station to express her appreciation for the firefighters' work. "She just turned up at the station and knocked on the window and said she has some cakes for us," said Station Manager Ben King. "So we opened the door to her and then she took her sunglasses off and said: 'Hi, I’m Adele.' Everyone was so shocked. She came in, came up to the mess, and had a cup of tea with the watch and then she joined us for the minute’s silence. We have had so much support from the local community and we cannot thank everyone enough."
Firefighter Rob Petty also shared one of the photos, commenting, "She came in with loads of cakes, sat in Fergies chair, and was the honorary Mess Ass for the morning. Lovely girl, genuinely grounded and interested and humbled. Beautiful."
Other celebrities have also shown their support for the fire's victims and responders. Prince William and Queen Elizabeth visited the tower as well, and William broke a rule against making physical contact beyond a handshake with the public by hugging a woman whose husband was missing. And Tom Hardy is raising money for the victims and their families via a JustGiving page. "As a Londoner and as a human being, it is impossible to be unaffected by the harrowing, unnecessary loss of life, injury, sorrow and the continuing desperate and disturbing situation facing those that were residents of Grenfell Tower," it reads.
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I was about 10 years old when the lady in a Cotswolds Spar asked me if I was having a nice day with Grandpa. I remember being very unsure whether my subsequent embarrassment was more for myself, or on behalf of my father. He, however, had no such conflict. "HUH!" he said to the woman behind the counter. "I'm her bloody father!" And off he strode, past the Mars bars and bottles of Ribena. "How rude" he muttered to no one in particular, perhaps to everyone in general who felt the need to constantly comment on his being, ahem, an 'older' father. This is the earliest memory I have of people thinking that my father’s age was both worth commenting on, and something that it was perfectly reasonable to comment on.
Last Tuesday, my dad turned 87. Next month, I will be 32. One might imagine that the older I get, and the older everyone else's parents get, the less noteworthy my dad’s age becomes. But no. Instead, he just became even ‘older to be a father'. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say that the physical manifestations of his age became so much more pronounced that his age stuck out even more. Since we’ve known each other, he has had dark grey hair and a thick, dark grey beard. Over time, this could-go-either-way grey became hard-to-deny silver. Excepting the large belly and red suit, Santa Claus is not the least accurate aesthetic comparison you could make.
It's not only my dad's physical appearance that reveals how long he has been around. He is one of those people who was born a wise 40-year-old with a beard. I don't think anyone who knows him well could imagine him as a reckless teenager, even when he was a teenager. In fact, I’m not sure anyone who knows him can imagine him ever not being an English professor, poring over Shakespeare. When I was growing up, he always, without fail, wore a suit; jeans and trainers didn't exist for this guy.
At secondary school, my friends often asked if I minded not having a father who would sprint around, or go hiking, or ski. They would ask this as if being young automatically equals being active, such are the parameters we so rigidly apply to age. But that his head was full of Faustus rather than football was nothing to do with his age. As is so often the case, I wasn’t sure if I actually did mind his being older, or if I should mind. At one point, the latter started to bully the former into being. Maybe I would prefer it if he were 20 years younger, played tennis and drank beer.
I remember once deciding that because he was so old he must be hurtling at lightning speed towards the grave, and I should emotionally detach myself in preparation for his impending departure. To achieve this, I didn't speak to him for a few days on our daily car journeys to school. He tried to chat to me as usual, ask me if I was OK, but I went silent and looked out of the window. No doubt he thought it was teenage angst (I can only hope; how cruel I was!) and thought no more of it, especially given it didn't last long. I don’t know why I abandoned this plan – probably the same thing that caused me to abandon vegetarianism, pottery, and the violin – but thankfully I did, and we quickly returned to debating whether to play Radio 1 or 3.
We love nothing more than to put strict structures around everything and everyone, and comment – however implicitly – whenever they poke a toe outside. People over 30 are asked why they're not married; women over 35 if they want children. Having kids well over 50 incites fierce debate. Though experience shared through age undoubtedly exists, the path is so strongly mapped out that doing anything out of step often trips you up.
My dad may not have been sporty and outdoorsy, but he certainly was active – and remains so to this day. He spent months of his life ferrying me to and from horse shows and riding lessons throughout my teenage years. He may have looked out of place in the muddy fields but he was there, without fail, to wait around for hours while I indulged my favourite hobby.
Despite being in his late 60s/early 70s by this point, and with little affinity for horses, he would pick me up at all hours of the day and night and watch me trot round and round in circles as I gave the occasional wave.
I cannot think of a time in the past decade when I wished he were younger. We might equate age with ‘youthfulness’, but what people often mean when they say this is: don’t you wish he were a different sort of person altogether. I can’t imagine wanting anyone else as my father.
There are obvious concerns. Will he be around to see me be married or meet my children? But these are partly due to my own apparent insistence to do very little at the expected age.
He walks into his office almost every day, goes to the theatre several times a month, and publishes books and papers with amazing regularity. His dry wit is as cutting as ever. He reads constantly and writes often. He hosts and attends dinner parties with considerably more regularity than I do.
Some of the most brilliant minds have dedicated themselves to musings on age, such is its potency. I think my favourite quote, though, is from Walt Whitman: “When it comes to age it's a case of mind over matter; if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”
My dad certainly hasn’t seemed to mind – in fact, I think he’s hardly noticed at all.
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Welcome to Money Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking a cross-section of women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period – and we're tracking every last penny.
This week we're with a 27-year-old living in east London with her boyfriend. She works in central London as an analyst in a real estate investment company. She enjoys seeing friends, tries to get regular exercise and loves going to new bars and restaurants. She also goes to the theatre fairly frequently. She is trying to save £5,000 this year which is a bit of a challenge as she also has quite a few holiday plans, as well as her boyfriend’s 30th birthday in November, when she is planning to take him to the Fat Duck. As a result she is trying to live off £75 a week for non-essentials (clothes, beauty, socialising, etc).
Industry: Real Estate Investment Age: 27 Location: London Salary: £53,000 Paycheque amount per month: £2,997 (after taxes, pension & student loan repayment) Number of housemates: 1 (boyfriend)
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: £650 (my portion of the mortgage + ground rent & service charge) Loan payments: £100 against a no-interest credit card balance Utilities: My boyfriend and I pay £500 each into a joint account each month. This covers council tax, internet/TV, water, electricity, heating and a cleaner every fortnight, as well as food shopping and some other joint activities like meals/drinks out and theatre tickets. (I’ve denoted spending from the joint account with a *, so my portion of these amounts is actually 50%.) Transportation: I use Apple Pay on my phone for public transport so the maximum I would pay each week is £33 due to weekly capping. I’ve included these amounts below so not counting them here. Phone bill: £42 Health insurance: Nope Savings? I aim to save £1,000 a month Other: Netflix: £7.50; gym: £38.99; phone insurance: £7; contact lenses: £25; Guardian subscription: £5
Total: £2,375.49
Day One
10am: I wake up at my boyfriend’s mum’s house, where we are staying this weekend. We make breakfast then head off to visit my boyfriend’s friend and child who are visiting from Canada. The kid’s Canadian accent is adorable. My boyfriend then drops me at afternoon tea which is a ‘family hen’ celebration for his stepbrother’s fiancée. It’s delicious and my boyfriend’s mum kindly pays so it costs me nothing.
4.30pm: My boyfriend drives us back to London and we discuss a diet I read about in the paper yesterday. We decide to try it the week after next before our holiday, so I order the book from Amazon. £12.66
7.30pm: We order Domino’s as a Sunday night treat as my boyfriend is hungover (ignore the hypocrisy of these concurrent purchases). I walk to collect it and we eat it while watching Girls. £20.49
9.30pm: Our Sainsbury’s delivery arrives. It’s more expensive than usual this week as there was an offer on wine so I added 6 bottles to our order. Other things we have bought: dishwasher tablets, cheese, yoghurt, milk, lamb mince, chicken thighs, cod fillets, cucumber, courgettes, tomatoes, aubergines, eggs, celery, cauliflower, peppers, rocket, Diet Coke and sparkling water. This should be more than enough for dinners in and lunches to take to work for the week, but as it’s late I don’t bother preparing anything for tomorrow. £93.64*
Total: £126.79 (my portion: £63.40)
Day Two
8.30am: I drag myself out of bed half an hour after my alarm goes off, feeling rubbish as I have a cold. Make a coffee and scrambled eggs at home then get the Tube to work, using Apple Pay on my phone. £2.90
10.30am: It feels like today is going to crawl by very slowly. Grab an orange from the work kitchen in the hope that the vitamins will help my cold.
12.30pm: Last week I got a Hawaiian poké bowl for the first time which was delicious, except the avocado I paid an extra £1 for was rock hard. I emailed to complain and they offered me a free one to make up for it, so I return today and get a free lunch (tuna and kale bowl with avocado). It’s really yummy and this time the avocado is perfectly soft.
6.30pm: Leave work and get the Tube home, just as it’s starting to rain. Spend the evening making lunches for the week – lamb meatballs, roasted chicken thighs, cauliflower ‘tabbouleh’, aubergine caponata and tzatziki. I eat some of the meatballs with salad and tzatziki then pack up the rest for later in the week and watch TV until my boyfriend gets home. £2.90
Total: £5.80
Day Three
8.30am: Same morning routine – coffee and eggs at home then Tube to work. It’s still raining, which is incredibly depressing – what happened to summer?! Make a lemon and ginger tea at work which doesn’t do much to lift my mood. £2.90
12.30pm: Pop to Sainsbury’s at lunchtime and buy a can of Diet Coke and sachet of nut butter to eat before the gym later. Eat my brought-in lunch salad in the work kitchen while chatting to some colleagues. £1.75
6.30pm: I head to the gym after work for a session with my personal trainer. I bought a pack of 20 sessions a couple of months ago, which worked out at about £41 a session, and have nearly done them all. I don’t think I will be repurchasing as I can’t justify the expense but it’s been good to learn some new exercises in the gym and explore the weights area. My trainer kills me with an upper-body workout then I quickly shower and catch the bus to meet up with some friends at a wine bar. £1.50
10.30pm: My friends are already eating by the time I arrive and I don’t feel that hungry so I just have a couple of glasses of wine from the bottle they’ve ordered and pay towards the cost of this when the bill comes (£9.50 for my share). We have a good catch up then I get the Tube home (£2.40).
Total: £18.05
Day Four
8.30am: Same morning routine, yet again – coffee and eggs at home then Tube to work. £2.90
2pm: Eat my brought-in lunch early at my desk as I am attending the first session of a free lunchtime coding course near my office between 1pm and 2pm. The course is really interesting and the hour flies by. I then go to Sainsbury’s and pick up a Diet Coke and nut butter sachet which I have when I get back to my desk. £2.30
7pm: My boyfriend thinks he is catching my cold and is feeling very sorry for himself so I ditch my plans for the gym and head home on the Tube (£2.40) to look after him, via Sainsbury’s where I pick up some treats, medicine and extra things we need for dinner (£6.50*). Cook roasted cod with courgettes, tomatoes, red onion and homemade pesto then settle in for a night on the sofa. £8.90
Total: £14.10 (my portion: £10.85)
Day Five
8.30am: Stir a spoonful of pesto leftover from last night into my scrambled eggs this morning to mix things up a bit – it’s delicious. Then I head off to vote in the general election before catching the Tube to work. £2.90
12.30pm: I head off to the gym for a quick lunchtime weights session then go back to the office after showering to eat the salad I brought in while sat at my desk getting on with work, hoping that none of my colleagues noticed my 90-minute lunch break! I don’t often work out at lunchtime but as I skipped last night and had to vote this morning it was the only way to fit in a session, because I’m also out tonight.
4.30pm: I’m bored at work and decide to see what is coming up at the theatre later in the year. I like the sound of Venus in Fur with Natalie Dormer so I book tickets for myself and my boyfriend for November. This is quite typical of how I approach the theatre – I tend to book months and months in advance if I can get cheap tickets and then it’s always a nice surprise when the date comes around. I probably end up going to the theatre about twice a month. £30*
9.30pm: I leave work and get the Tube to Liverpool Street to meet a friend for dinner (£2.90). We go to a ‘small plates’ Indian restaurant and share a few savoury dishes (my favourite are the lamb chops), dessert and have a couple of glasses of wine each. It’s delicious and we split the bill evenly (£41.76 for my share) before getting the Tube home in time for the election exit polls (£2.40). The outcome is a lot more exciting than I had anticipated so I scrap my original plan for an early night and end up watching the coverage until 3am, when I finally collapse into bed and it seems the UK is heading for a hung parliament. £46.86
Total: £79.96 (my portion: £64.76)
Day Six
7.30am: I am hugely regretting my decision to schedule an early morning workout when my alarm goes off at 6.15am but I can’t cancel on my trainer so I get up and catch the Tube to the gym. We do another intense upper-body workout then I shower and head to the office. At my desk I eat two boiled eggs that I brought from home and have a coffee from the office Nespresso machine. £2.90
1pm: I’m getting very little done at work as I am glued to the post-election fallout on the news (and discussing it with friends via WhatsApp) so when my boyfriend texts to say he is in the area and asks if I want to get lunch, I am very happy to leave my desk. We go to a Scottish restaurant and have venison burgers, a Scotch egg and haggis mac and cheese to share, which is much tastier than the sad salad I had brought with me (which will end up in the bin due to weekend plans… oops). We pay for the lunch from our joint account and both head back to work. £43.31*
6pm: I leave work a bit early because it’s Friday and head to a wine shop to pick up a bottle of champagne to take to my parents for their wedding anniversary which is next week (£34.90) and a card to go with it (£2.65). My brother is meant to be paying me back for 50% of this but he lives abroad and always seems reluctant to do international money transfers so I’m not too hopeful of that happening. I get the Tube to the train station (£2.90) and buy a ticket to visit my parents (£27.50). I also buy a Diet Coke to drink on the train (£1.85). £69.80
7pm: Very annoyingly, my train terminates before I reach my stop but my mum agrees to come out and pick me up. I wander round Waitrose while I am waiting for her and end up buying a big salad bowl from the homeware section as they have 25% off and it’s really pretty (£11.65 from joint account). Get home and spend the evening chatting to my parents over a steak dinner. £11.65*
Total: £127.66 (my portion: £100.18)
Day Seven
12.30pm: I spend a lazy morning at my parents’ house, reading the papers in the sunshine, then my boyfriend arrives, having driven down in the morning. My mum has booked a brewery tour so she drives us all there and we spend a couple of hours looking round the brewery and enjoying the generous samples of craft beer. We then head to the brewery’s pub for lunch, which my boyfriend and I pay for (£42.85). My dad and boyfriend go home for a beer-induced nap and my mum and I go for a walk. £42.85*
8pm: We head out for dinner at a local wine shop/deli that does tapas-style food. We are a bit early so we grab some drinks in the pub next door – my dad buys one round and I pay for the second round from our joint account. The dinner is delicious and my dad kindly pays the bill. £19.05*
When I was 15, one of my white friends in Edinburgh, where I grew up, convinced me to go to her regular hairdressers, as there were only three black hairdressers in the whole of the city and they were all over an hour’s walk away. “It’ll be fine,” she assured me. “I bet they’ll do a great job.” We started getting odd looks as soon as I walked in the door. There was a furtive exchange between the hairdressers, and then a definitive answer: “We don’t do your hair type.”
More recently in the UK there has been a drive to encourage all hairdressers to learn how to do afro hair, and a lot of black people, fed up of not being able to go to high street salons to get their hair washed and cut, have spoken up about it. Chloe Sharp, investigating for Stylist magazine, was told by one “trendy east London salon” that she would have to pay a deposit for her appointment – something that wasn’t required of white customers.
Speaking with a friend who is currently on a well-respected hairdressing course, she says that she hasn’t been required to learn how to manage black hair types and that to do so costs extra. Another woman, who works in the head office of a chain of London salons, tells me that “generally speaking, stylists don't know how to deal with black hair types unless they did their NVQ in a place that offers black hair training, or have been lucky enough to work for a company who will train them. I've heard of many places refusing customers with black hair types as they aren't experienced in ever dealing with it and aren't open to it.”
This is disappointing, considering that a study by Habia revealed that there are 35,704 beauty salons in the UK, but only 302 Afro-Caribbean salons. While that number seems a little low to me – and doesn’t include personal hairdressing services, which many black women rely on – there’s no denying that outside of urban centres it can be really hard to find a reliable black hairdresser who isn’t intent on burning your head off with chemical straightener or stitching your weave on wonky.
Surely, then, this initiative to try and get more “white” hair salons to start catering to black customers is a good thing? It would give us more options, and would be inherently fairer. My teenage self wouldn’t have been reduced to a stuttering mess of kinky-haired shame and everyone would make more money: black women in the US pay out about $7.5 billion annually on beauty products, spending 80% more on cosmetics than their non-black counterparts. The UK is reportedly the third biggest importer of human hair in the world, with spendings of £38 million – human hair being a black woman’s staple for weaves and wigs.
Plus, there is arguably a professionalism in the wider hairdressing industry that is sometimes lacking at your everyday black hair salon – unless you want to pay for a luxury service like Errol Douglas, whose prices start from £300 for a cut and blow dry. Alongside my own experiences, I have heard too many stories of rude and incompetent Afro-Caribbean hairdressers to believe this isn’t a genuine issue in certain areas of the black haircare industry.
Photo: Natalia Mantini
However, the potential downside to encouraging white hairdressers to enter into black hairdressing is that it is one of the few industries where black women are able to easily gain economic independence, in a climate where we are still the most likely to be unemployed compared to other ethnicities. Living in Peckham, southeast London, where a collection of well-known high street black hairdressers are being relegated to a back street thanks to gentrification – sorry, “regeneration” – I know how little respect white institutions can have for black women hairdressers (and our hair).
Radio 1 DJ Clara Amfo brought wider attention to this reality when she slammed Selfridges' Braid Bar earlier this year for cultural appropriation, after they invited her in for a free hairstyling session despite having very little representation of black women with kinkier afro hair textures on their social media platforms.
She wrote in a lengthy Instagram post: “Businesses such as The Braid Bar and public figures like Kylie Jenner can make a legit earning showcasing of all the styles mentioned above, without the perceived burden of whooole lot of melanin… So I say this, to girls and guys of ALL races who want to try these looks, by all means go ahead… I would just consider directing your coins to spaces more openly appreciative and reflective of the women and cultures who provide their inspiration.”
Even though The Braid Bar employs black hairstylists, it is white-owned and – as Amfo pointed out – was profiting from the use of their skills without being respectful of the communities they came from or, at the very least, diversifying their social media presence. This is something they have now improved after issuing an apology to Amfo, but surely this sort of thing could happen more and more often if white hairdressers start taking up the mantle?
However, Amfo, whom I reached out to for this article (she said she was too “hair-ed out” to discuss The Braid Bar any further, which is fair), did point me in the direction of black celebrity hairstylist Kevin Fortune, who runs hairdressing courses which teach people of all races about afro hair. “The aim of this course is for you to appreciate the unique styling needs and wonderful creative possibilities of Afro hair,” reads the description. “Having versatile knowledge in this field will add an essential and extremely marketable string to your set of styling skills.”
Speaking on the phone shortly before he jetted off to do Pixie Geldof’s wedding in Magaluf, he tells me that the majority of the people he teaches are white. “Maybe five black women out of possibly 100 people have done our course… Some people come on and they’ve never ever touched afro-textured hair before and although we have a wide variety of different models who come in on the day, sometimes if you spray water on the girl's hair and it starts shrinking they go, ‘Ooh, aah’. It’s like 1885 in a circus tent. Everyone’s going ‘Oh my god, it’s moving’. It’s so new to them, so unique, they’ve never seen it before.”
When I challenge him on the idea that more white people learning to do afro-textured hair could take away business from the everyday black salon, he says that black hairdressers need to up their game. “It may be quite controversial but they need to provide a service that stands out and that everyone is vying for. It’s still very much like you walk into a black hair salon and the service isn’t there, it’s inadequate. Of course, you’re paying prices that are a lot cheaper – you can’t expect a red carpet or someone to wipe your shoes – but there’s a basic common service that every establishment should provide and if you speak to the vast majority of black women they don’t get that all the time. It would be a real positive if all salons could be able to do black hair.”
Jamelia, popstar turned cultural commentator, agrees. “White hairdressers, nine times out of 10, don’t know how to deal with afro hair,” she says. “What I would like to see is black hairdressers who are skilled with every type of hair allowed to get more opportunities, but I do think everyone should be trained in how to do black hair.” She also makes the point that the higher echelons of the hairdressing industry are already whitewashed. “When you said, do I think that if white hairdressers were to get the training to do black hair, would they be taking over black business – the reality is that they’re doing that anyway, without having the expertise.”
Speaking about her time on TV shows Loose Women and Strictly Come Dancing, she reveals that she often had to do her own hair and makeup. “I was having to come up with Strictly -worthy styles, and I’d only just gone natural a few months before,” she says. “I’d be in my dressing room doing my own hair and makeup, and then they’d invite me down into the room where everyone’s getting their hair done for a photo opportunity to make it look like I was getting my hair done, too.
Photo: Natalia Mantini
“I’d be in tears, and they’d be saying to me, ‘Well, if you want your hair done, you’ll have to relax it.’ And I’d be like, ‘What you’re asking me to do is a permanent chemical process to my hair.’ I felt like Martin Luther King,” she laughs. “My daughters were there some of the time and I tried to explain to them that what they were saying was that my daughter’s hair isn’t beautiful and anyone who has our hair type can’t be seen as beautiful and elegant. These shows make millions and they didn’t bring in someone for me.”
Another perspective comes from Virginia P Moreira, who is a hairstylist to the stars, having worked with Björk, Lary B, VV Brown, Kylie Minogue and, most recently, singer Kelela. At The Braid Bar, where she worked for a time, she was asked to teach non-black girls to braid hair, which threw her off. On the other side of the coin, she says, “People do complain about going to white salons and it just not working. When I studied my course was combined hair types and that included cutting, relaxing, perming. It’s different techniques but it’s the same procedure”.
“Maybe if all salons are encouraged to do all hair types, the black woman in Hampstead will feel more like she can step into the local Caucasian business because she probably feels detached from going to Peckham or wherever, but I don’t feel it will affect the business too much. Real girls recognise and wouldn’t trust most white hairdressers anyway. I don’t think we should worry. Definitely support your aunty, definitely support your sister. Right now they’re just pushing for this superficial utopian idea of everyone being able to do it.”
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Today, makeup brand NARS announced that Bella Hadid is the face of its autumn 2017 collections. Inspired by "the rebellion and self-expression of the Rock and Roll era", the smouldering campaign features a leather bralette and choker-clad Bella alongside model Justin Gossman, with the pair sporting matching shaggy mullets and layered jewellery.
Launching the Fall Colour Collection, Highlighting Bronzing Collection, and Powermatte Lip Pigment, the campaign, shot by brand founder, makeup artist and photographer François Nars, is every inch an homage to fierce women of the era, such as Patti Smith and Joan Jett. Aptly shot in New York, the playlist from the shoot includes The Beatles, David Bowie, Jimi Hendrix, and the Rolling Stones, bringing the subversive spirit of the campaign to life.
For the brand, Hadid was best suited for the campaign: “The model brings the product to life and gives it an identity, so matching the right model with a product is very important," François explained. "I love Bella. She has a very strong and powerful look that I think is very well suited to a bold product, like Powermatte.”
Bella joins a long line of powerful women who have fronted past NARS campaigns – from Tilda Swinton and Charlotte Rampling to Isabella Rossellini and Lily Cole – but we think this moody and rebellious shoot might just be our favourite yet.
The Highlighting Bronzing Collection is available from 1st July, and the Powermatte is available from 1st August 2017 – both at NARS.
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The survivors of last week's devastating fire at Grenfell Tower, which killed at least 79 people, are to be permanently rehoused in a block of luxury flats in the middle of Kensington, the government has announced.
It has acquired 68 one, two and three bedroom flats from a development known as Kensington Row, where private homes are sold for at least £1.5m and can go for as much as £13m, the BBC reported.
Provisions for those left homeless by the north Kensington fire, many of whom are families and young children, have been described as "total chaos", with some being offered short-term stays in hotels and B&Bs, but others being forced to sleep in cars and parks.
The block containing the "newly built social housing" apartments includes a 24-hour concierge service, private cinema, gym and swimming pool, but Grenfell residents won't have access to these services, reported the Standard.
The apartments will, however, be fully furnished and completed by the end of July. Extra public money has been used to take on more builders and ensure the flats are ready more quickly, the Department for Communities and Local Government said. They will be offered as one option among many to permanently rehouse the Grenfell residents.
Communities Secretary Sajid Javid, who himself voted against a bill proposing to make homes fit for human habitation last year, acknowledged that the victims have been through "some of the most harrowing and traumatic experiences imaginable".
"Our priority is to get everyone who has lost their home permanently rehoused locally as soon as possible, so that they can begin to rebuild their lives," he added.
Many have welcomed the news on Twitter, with some praising Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, who said this weekend that the homeless families should be free to occupy empty properties in Kensington.
