If you haven’t heard about Convicted, then let us tell you: it’s what the group on the next table in the pub are debating, it’s what everyone on the bus is listening to, it’s the podcast that went straight to the top of the iTunes chart in its first week. And it’s incredible.

After its success (it’s now holding steady at number two), people inevitably started calling Convicted the "new Serial " – the addictive season one broke podcast records (it’s been downloaded over 80 million times) and resulted in its subject, Adnan Syed, being able to appeal for a retrial on his conviction for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, Hae Min Lee.

But Convicted isn’t the “new Serial ” – yes, they're both female-fronted true crime podcasts, but American Brooke Gittings, who hosts and writes the show, says that she's more the "anti- Serial ". She's not a journalist (her day job is as a social worker) and she records everything from inside her walk-in wardrobe, which is tiny and actually filled with clothes.

The subject of her podcast is Richard Nicolas, who's been in prison since 1996 and therefore has never used the internet or heard a podcast. The reason he wanted Brooke, who also hosts a podcast called Actual Innocence about wrongly convicted prisoners, was that he "knows the power of a podcast" – Serial 's Adnan Syed is on his block in prison.

20 years ago, Richard was sentenced to spend the rest of his life in prison after being convicted of shooting his 2-year-old daughter Aja. He claims that the death was the result of a road rage incident – while the pair were driving back to Aja's mother's house after a cinema trip, a stranger started driving aggressively and ran Richard's car off the road and down a deserted side road. When he stopped, the stranger shot Aja. Police claim that Richard killed his daughter and made the story up. And here's where the story links to Serial 's again: Richard's legal team included Cristina Gutierrez, who also defended Adnan Syed, and whose competence has been questioned. After the trial, the judge called the outcome “a verdict unworthy of any confidence”.

But that’s where the similarities end: unlike Serial ’s host Sarah Koenig, Brooke isn’t afraid to get wrapped up in the emotion of the story and she’s incredibly empathetic. And the story isn't as straightforward as Serial 's. At the beginning of the podcast, it seems like Richard is the victim of a terrible miscarriage of justice but you can't help but worry: what if he's just an incredibly good liar ... and he did kill his daughter? We called Brooke at home in Indiana to ask her about it.

The podcast has been so successful already and we’re only three episodes in – did you expect this?
No, actually – we [Brooke and Blake Maples, who does the music on the podcast] were both overwhelmed that it had done so well and it had no paid advertising. We're not a part of a network – we don't know people to, like, put us at the top of the charts, so it's just been overwhelming and amazing.

People have been calling Convicted “the new Serial ”…
It’s terrifying and it’s not true! I have so much respect for Serial and Sarah Koenig and all of the work that she did, and I really feel like she paved the way for episodic podcasting, and I think that it's very, very flattering to be compared to her, but in no way is it the same thing. Because I'm fairly sure my closet doesn't look like the studio she worked from [laughs], and me editing in my pyjamas on my Mac laptop doesn't look like the process Sarah Koenig goes through to create her show. I know some people that are like, 'She's trying to copy Serial ', but that's not it at all. What I'm trying to do is make the podcast that I would want to listen to.

Were you worried about taking on a case that has such an emotive subject, which is the death of a child? Were you worried about opening old wounds for Lisa [Aja’s mother, who doesn’t appear on the podcast]?
Yes, and right near the beginning I found her address and I wrote her a letter, and I didn't hear back. I sent her a follow-up letter that basically just said, 'Just wanted to make sure you got my letter, if you want to talk, I totally get it, if you don't want to talk, I totally get it'. Because I know that it's like ripping a band aid off a wound that is never going to heal. But I think that also if Richard did not get a fair trial, if this isn't what really happened, then two people are suffering, you know? I just feel terrible for her, I feel terrible that this entire thing had to happen. And being a social worker I want to tell her, you know, my intentions are to be helpful and to get to the bottom of what really happened. So I just wanted to make sure that Lisa knew what I was doing and why I was doing it. And I haven't heard back from her.

Did you ever doubt that Richard was innocent?
I don't know. To be honest, I have tried to keep an open mind throughout all of this. I mean, I've talked to him for almost a year now and I have a really good bullshit detector [laughs] and he has never given me any inkling that he has been anything but sincere with me. But I don't know. I think I even said that in one of the episodes – 'maybe he is this fantastical liar' – but I don't think so. Regardless if he is an innocent man or if he's not, that's not what's important right now in the story. What's important is that the steps that have led to him being arrested have not been fair. So if one person, regardless of innocence or guilt, doesn't get a fair trial or a fair go through the legal system, that paves the way for everyone to not have a fair trial or a fair go through the legal system.

Are you worried people might think your podcast is exploitative or it's using this tragedy for profit?
Let me think of how to word this... No. But, I mean, yes, but this podcast was not my idea [laughs]. Richard is on board with this podcast more than anyone, and it was brought to me by his attorney. If people want to be upset with me for bringing this to light, I'm okay with that, like, I can take it. I'm not motivated by success. Yes, I'm thrilled that I'm number two right now on the iTunes chart, because that means a lot of people are listening to this story, but right now I have made negative thousands of dollars on this podcast. So my mission is accomplished – my mission is for people to listen and realise what kind of injustice is happening.

Obviously when Serial came out, Adnan Syed probably didn't know if anybody would listen, but now that's been so huge, does Richard expect the same level of success?
Of course he's hopeful but I've told him over and over again, 'Don't get false hope, because this is the only thing I can promise you, is that more people are going to know about your story. I can't promise you that you're going to get a new trial'. I'm not going to try and talk for Richard, but in my impression in talking to him – I think the last time I spoke to him was last week – I said, 'We're doing well on the charts', I told him how many people had listened to that point, and I said the reviews had been mildly positive, except about my ‘little girl voice’, and people are hearing your story. Our mission is being accomplished, people are understanding what's happening. And I think he's okay with that.

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Welcome to Money Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking a cross-section of women how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period – and we're tracking every last penny.

This week we're with a 28-year-old working in technology in London. She has worked hard to build her career since graduating from university but is a frugal girl at heart and is slowly adjusting to enjoying the odd indulgence while saving for the future.

Industry: Technology
Age: 28
Location: London
Salary: £81k, plus bonus/stock
Paycheque amount per month: £3,845 on a non-bonus month (post tax/NI and student loan deductions)
Number of roommates: One: husband

Monthly Expenses

Housing costs: Mortgage £1,130 (shared with husband).
Loan payments: Student Loan, currently a whopping £450 due to income. Due to finish payments in the next 12 months, though.
Utilities: £189 on council tax, £125 for gas, electricity and water, £70 Virgin Media (all shared with husband).
Transportation: About £30-40 a week on public transport (commuting to the office three to four days). £10 on petrol.
Phone bill: None – paid for by work.
Health insurance: None – paid for by work.
Savings: £1,500-1,750 per month from my salary goes into our savings account.
Other: £390 car lease, £14.99 Spotify, £48 cleaner, £50 furniture repayment (all shared with husband).

Total: £2,817.50

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There's been a shift in footwear in recent seasons. Had you told us five years ago that Birkenstocks and Crocs (previously the preserve of middle-aged botanical fanatics) would be the sandals of the summer, we'd have rolled our eyes. And yet here we are, wearing the comfiest goddam shoes we've ever worn (complete with DIY embellishment à la Christopher Kane, of course).

And it's not just sandals: we're seeing a plethora of colours, prints, textures and shapes in shops and on catwalks, and we can no longer contain our enthusiasm. While there's something to be said for a collection of timeless footwear – black leather loafers, classic Converse, a stiletto heel – it's time you made room for a more attention-grabbing pair.

From Balenciaga's lurid green sock boots to Alexander McQueen's floral and studded lace-ups, SS17's catwalks didn't shy away from a showstopping shoe. Carven served up snake-effect mules in yellow, Mugler and Balmain gave us perspex heels, and Dries van Noten showed blue satin bows on flatforms.

We're often guilty of making shoes a sartorial afterthought but this summer we'll be putting our best foot forward in something outrageous (silver, perhaps, or maybe pink velvet...). Click through to see the maximalist shoes we're coveting right now.

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Glastonbury, the best known and most iconic UK festival of them all, is just a month away and excited ticket-holders can't seem to shut up about it (quite understandably, tbf). But if you struggled to get tickets like we did, don’t despair. We Brits are pretty bloody good at putting on a festival and there are plenty more great ones happening all over the country this summer.

Whether it’s an all-night party you're after, a frolic to folk music under the stars, literary talks in a forest, or just something to occupy the kids while you enjoy a few well-deserved tinnies, we've got you covered. Wall-planners and debit cards at the ready!

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What would you do if you were in danger? Call 999, we'd hope. But what if talking or making a noise could put you or those around you in even more danger? What would you do then?

You might not know it, but emergency services in the UK have a special procedure in place for this very situation. With the UK's terror threat level now "critical", it's important to know how to react when in danger.

Usually, if you call 999 and are silent, the operator will ask you to make a noise, such as a cough. But if you're unable to make a sound?

You'll be put through to an operator and the best thing to do is dial 55, otherwise the call will end and the police won't attend, reported the Express & Echo.

Police have admitted in the past that they don't automatically investigate every silent 999 (or 112) call, because there's a chance someone may have mis-dialled the number.

Earlier this year, they issued a reminder to the public that the 55 feature, known as Silent Solutions, exists – it is little known and could save women's lives.

“Please do not think that just because you dial 999 that police will attend," a police spokesperson told the Express & Echo.

“We totally understand that sometimes people are unable or too afraid to talk, however it must be clear that we will not routinely attend a silent 999 call.”

So, if you were as clueless about this as we were, why not help spread the word?

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Last night's First Dates was a must-watch for anyone who saw the incredible Three Girls – the heartbreaking BBC drama about the Rochdale grooming cases.

Social worker Sara Rowbotham, portrayed by Maxine Peake in the drama, appeared on the dating show last night and was set up with a woman called Nicky. Unsurprisingly, Sara is as excellent in person as her depiction in Three Girls.

Sara - we are so glad your voice has finally been heard. #FirstDates pic.twitter.com/RoEf02mKay

— First Dates (@FirstDates) May 23, 2017

For those that missed Three Girls, or are unfamiliar with the story, Sara was instrumental in bringing to trial and getting convictions for the men who were running a child sex ring in Rochdale. From 2004, Sara referred over 100 girls who came to the Rochdale Crisis Intervention Team, who she suspected were being groomed for sex, to the police and social services. Many of the cases were simply dismissed by the police.

After a series of false starts and 10 years of fighting, she eventually persuaded Greater Manchester police to investigate fully and nine men were convicted for their crimes in 2012. In the end, 47 girls were identified as victims of the men – some as young as 13. They had been raped and assaulted, often by multiple men who lured them with alcohol, money and food.

At the end of Three Girls, viewers were enraged to find out that Sara, after everything that had happened, was made redundant in 2012. A petition on Change.org to get Sara's work recognised has received nearly 300,000 signatures.

Anyway – back to Sara appearing on Channel 4's First Dates. She was set up with dog trainer Nicky. Sara said that she'd come to the show because the gay scene was "non-existent" in Rochdale, quipping that "You're allowed to be gay every other Sunday". Sara is, despite everything she's been through, really funny.

Over dinner, Sara and Nicky spoke about Sara's dog (a Yorkie cross who knows 110 words, NBD), Nicky's life in Amsterdam and, most importantly, Sara's job.

"I lifted the lid and told everybody about what had happened," she said. "Children told me they were being sexually abused every day and just trying to get anyone to do anything about it was really really tough no matter how many times I banged on the door."

"I just became a big fireball," she continued. "I was so angry all the time because it was just really really frustrating not being able to have your voice heard."

"I feel as though I'm just coming out of a very difficult dark time. I'm ready to start to live my life again and just have a nice time and not be so stressed or worried or anxious or angry," she said through tears.

Sara did reference the drama – which at the time of filming hadn't been made yet – saying "Somebody famous will play me! Probably Cindy Crawford."

Sadly though, during the date there was a "turning point", as Sara put it, and the two opted not to see each other again romantically. Although Nicky said they could be great friends and go out dancing.

Here's hoping this is just the beginning of the rest of Sara's well-deserved, carefree and wonderful life.

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A European city break always sounds like an excellent idea, doesn't it? You picture yourself jetting off on the Friday night, G&T in hand, and arriving back on Sunday in time for a good night’s sleep. The reality? Things don’t always go so smoothly.

Short breaks to the big European cities often involve setting your alarm for 2am to get to the airport and make it through a loooong security queue in time for a hellish budget flight. The worst. But travelling from London to Amsterdam is about to become a lot more pleasant, thanks to Eurostar. The high-speed railway service will introduce a direct route from London to Amsterdam by the end of the year, the Evening Standard reported.

Eurostar will begin by running two trains a day from St Pancras International to Amsterdam city centre, a journey that will take under four hours. (Which sounds heavenly compared with the 10-hour coach journey I once took there – never again!)

London to Amsterdam is one of the busiest plane routes – more than three million people make the journey each year – so the new train route will likely spark a price war with airlines including British Airways and easyJet, reported the Standard. Eurostar currently offers one-way tickets to Paris and Brussels for as little as £25.

“We will compete with the low-cost airlines on price, speed, ease, convenience and quality of service," said a Eurostar source.

A direct Eurostar route between London and Rotterdam is also reported to be in the “final stages of preparation” and will launch after the Amsterdam route, the Standard reported.

“With demand for high-speed rail over plane on the increase we are gearing up to expand our reach to Amsterdam and Rotterdam,” Nicolas Petrovic, Eurostar's chief executive, said.

This Sunday also sees the launch of Eurostar's new e320 trains between London and Brussels, which is the next stage in the development of the Amsterdam route. The new greater-capacity train has been running on the London-Paris route since 2015.

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Prime Minister Theresa May raised the UK's terror threat level from severe to critical last night in the wake of Monday's Manchester terror attack, suggesting another similar incident is imminent.

In response to the threat of terrorism on British soil, social media users began using the hashtag #BritishThreatLevels to share their "biggest fears". It's the number one trending topic on Twitter in the UK at the time of writing. The tidbits being shared on the hashtag are as if to say, 'We're not scared and will stand together in defiance against attacks on our values' – with some very wry British humour thrown in.

But a backlash has understandably started to emerge, with some criticising the people making jokes so soon after 22 people tragically died and while countless others remain in hospital.

We're British. You can't scare us until you raise the threat level to "I'm sorry, but there's only continental breakfast left".

— Jason (@NickMotown) May 24, 2017

#BritishThreatLevels "would you mind sharing this table?"

— Stuart Millar (@stuartmillar159) May 24, 2017

"This bus is now on diversion" #BritishThreatLevels

— Don't @ me (@ziazialaura) May 24, 2017

@janinegibson 'Unexpected Item In the Bagging Area' #BritishThreatLevels

— Heidi Stephens (@heidistephens) May 24, 2017

#BritishThreatLevels The person in front of you in the 12 Items or Less queue clearly has 13 items.

— kathmayer 💫 (@kathmayer) May 24, 2017

"Let's go round the room and say one thing about yourselves"#BritishThreatLevels

— Hash Piperdy ⚡️ (@HashPiperdy) May 24, 2017

Parcel gets delivered to the neighbour meaning you have to speak to them #BritishThreatLevels

— clrthrn (@clrthrn) May 24, 2017

#BritishThreatLevels SOMEONE used you favourite mug in work.

— Bunbury Publishing (@BunburyPublish) May 24, 2017

"Get into pairs and we'll do a fun role play activity" #BritishThreatLevels

— SeeingStars (@seeingstars76) May 24, 2017

#BritishThreatLevels When a waiter asks if everything is OK and the meal is not

— Gavin Curnow (@GavinCurnow) May 24, 2017

"With Adrian Chiles" #BritishThreatLevels

— David Brisbane (@DavidB1996) May 24, 2017

Trying to enjoy a Jaffa cake without someone bringing up THAT debate. #BritishThreatLevels

— Keira Tucker (@HavingChips4Tea) May 24, 2017

But many have criticised the hashtag, with some suggesting it was averting people's attention from the real issues and making light of the tragic attack.

engaging in sincere and useful discourse rather than using pointless twee hashtags to deflect meaningful conversation #BritishThreatLevels

— 'Emily Reynolds' (@rey_z) May 24, 2017

@veidtlemania I can't quite believe some people I follow are doing twee keep calm and carry on type jokes about dead children #BritishThreatLevels

— smooching pumpkins (@meanfest) May 24, 2017

@JamesDelingpole I'm not sure I get this thread at all while #manchester children are still in intensive care or lying in morgues.#BritishThreatLevels

— All-American Male (@chrisbraly) May 24, 2017

When you turn the deaths of children into a sick joke #britishthreatlevels

— Michael (@Davoli) May 24, 2017

What do you think?

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In a first for Asia, Taiwan's Constitutional Court ruled in favour of same-sex marriage on Wednesday, punctuating a years-long campaign by advocates for LGBTQ rights in one of the continent's most liberal democracies.

The court's decision has cleared the way for giving same-sex couples the right to marry. In its majority opinion, the court said a provision in the current civil code barring same-sex marriages violates two articles of the constitution safeguarding human dignity and equality under the law. Authorities must now either enact or amend relevant laws within two years.

The ruling was greeted with rapturous applause outside the legislature not far from the court in the centre of the capital, Taipei, where hundreds had gathered with rainbow flags and noisemakers emblazoned with slogans in favour of same-sex marriage.

"People like me in the position of being in same-sex relationship with children, we need this law even earlier, even faster," said Jay Lin, a father of two and the founder and director of the Taiwan International Queer Film Festival.

"And so everybody here and everybody who (is) supporting this law in Taiwan and throughout the world, all be rooting for us. And we will be giving a lot of pressure to the legislators to pass this law once and for all," Lin said.

Jamie, who has been in a relationship with his partner for 22 years, said the ruling was a milestone for Taiwanese society.

"I am so touched. Finally we've reached this moment. This represents Taiwan's human rights. This is a step forward in human rights," said the 60-year-old retiree, who asked that only his first name be used.

A bill to enforce the ruling is already working its way through the legislature, where both the ruling and major opposition parties support legalisation of same-sex marriage. Surveys show a majority of the public is also in favour, as is President Tsai Ing-wen, Taiwan's first female leader.

LGBTQ advocates in Taiwan have formed an effective lobby in recent years, with an annual Gay Pride march drawing tens of thousands. "The need, capability, willingness and longing, in both physical and psychological senses, for creating such permanent unions of intimate and exclusive nature are equally essential to homosexuals and heterosexuals, given the importance of the freedom of marriage to the sound development of personality and safeguarding of human dignity," the court said in its ruling.

Two of the court's 15 justices filed dissenting opinions and one recused himself in the case.

Despite the spread of same-sex marriage in a few regions since 2001, LGBTQ couples had been allowed to marry in only 22 of the world's nearly 200 countries. In Asia, Taiwan is the first government to legalise such unions, while South Africa is the only country in Africa to allow them. More than 70 countries continue to criminalise homosexual activity.

Globally, the pace of civil rights victories has slowed against the background of a steady stream of reports of anti-LGBTQ violence and persecution.

Recent weeks have witnessed large-scale detentions of gay men in Nigeria and Bangladesh, and accounts of roundups and torture of scores of gay men in Chechnya. In Indonesia, a major police raid on a LGBTQ sauna was followed two days later by the public caning of two gay men.

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Sometime in 2015, I accidentally set up desktop notifications for CNN.com. I don’t remember doing it; I must have just hit “yes” on some pop-up, because all of a sudden I was getting intermittent news alerts sliding into the upper right hand corner of my laptop a couple times a day. I’d be writing some story about Anastasia impersonators or an essay about conquering body shame when an alert would interrupt me: “Trump leading in primary polls.” My heart would leap for a second, but then I’d just become annoyed. Obviously, he wasn’t going to win anything — and neither would his counterparts in Austria, the Netherlands, and a growing number of countries throughout the world. As for these polls showing the hordes of people evidently supporting these overtly racist, Islamophobic, isolationist pussy grabbers? I guess we’d have to contend with them, but that could wait until after the election. For now, I would just close the news alert, make another donation to the Clinton campaign, and get back to writing about body positivity. That was important too, right?

Today, like so many, I recognise how idiotic, how shamefully naive my thinking was back then. I see that hitting the mental snooze button on all the geopolitical alarms going off was an unforgivable act of ignorance. The fact that I am more engaged now doesn’t make up for it — though again, I know I’m not alone there. Many of us are either newly involved in political awareness and activism, or more committed to it than we ever were before. And with terrifying news alerts popping up constantly on our desktops, phones, radios, televisions, and anything else with a WiFi connection, it feels almost impossible to keep up. Amid all these urgent issues, like the travel ban, climate-change denial, and the stripping of our reproductive rights, who the hell cares about this body stuff? Does it even matter anymore? Did it ever matter?

Honestly, I didn’t know. But I did know that someone in my position was not the best person to answer that question. So, I spoke with four different women, all of whom have long been working in body politics and the myriad intersections of that world. Can personal acceptance be a political act? Is the body battle a fight worth fighting right now?

“Yes, absolutely. Without question,” says Sonya Renee Taylor, activist and founder of The Body Is Not An Apology, a publication/educational resource/global activism organisation which tackles a broad spectrum of body-related social justice areas: size, race, disability, gender, age, etc. Having been deeply embedded in this work for years, Taylor stresses that working for body liberation — both personally and in the big picture — is an inherently political act.

“Oppression, inequity, marginalisation and injustice are, at their core, manifestations of our relationships with people’s bodies,” she says. “When we look at issues of bathroom laws in North Carolina, or the work to defund Planned Parenthood, or abortion restrictions, what you’re looking at is an impact on bodies — which bodies we want to have access to power and resources, and which we do not. And so there is no way to talk about bodies without it being political. They aren’t separate entities. All of us traverse this planet in a body, and those bodies both make up the political system and make up the people who are impacted by the political system.”

Bathroom laws and the battle against Planned Parenthood are, of course, also born of transphobia and sexism and many other systemic biases. Looking at them through the lens of body acceptance and liberation, Taylor says, just shows how interconnected these matters are. “It’s all connected,” she explains. “If we figure out how to allow ourselves to live unapologetically in our bodies — and we make access to that for every single human being — we actually get to all the issues. We really do.”

That’s why it is neither selfish nor unimportant to work on your own issues, as well as those in the wider world. In fact, it is crucial. It’s what makes you more able to fight for the causes you care about. Say you’re an assault survivor, involved in sexual violence activism. You cannot expect yourself to safely, effectively advocate on behalf of others when your own wounds are left untended to. When in doubt, just remember the safety announcement you hear on every flight: Put on your own oxygen mask first.

It is neither selfish nor unimportant to work on your own issues.

But it’s not just about prioritising your own well-being. It’s also about confronting your own biases, or those within your inner circle. “Your uncle who’s a racist loan officer will impact my life, right?” Taylor says, for example. “But your uncle who has dismantled his own notions of racism is no longer standing between me and home-ownership.” Often, the best and most effective change happens close to home. If you start with yourself, you become a model to those around you. Going to therapy, practicing self-care, interrogating the ugly lessons you’ve internalised — all these things create a ripple effect that reaches way beyond yourself. You might not always see how far, but “there are some real, practical ways in which those things play out,” says Taylor.

You may not connect the dots between you, your uncle, and the woman getting a home loan. But they’re there. Taylor points out that we have to challenge the idea of individualism. “Thinking, ‘Well, if I just do this thing for me, I’m just doing this thing for me,’ implies that there is not interdependence and interconnectedness in all of our human exchange,” she explains. That logic is simply self-centred. “The way to global change is through personal transformation.” The short version, as Taylor sums it up: “We can’t create in the world what we have not created inside of ourselves.”

Author and activist Marilyn Wann echoes this sentiment: “There’s a positive feedback loop, in that changing the world and changing how you see yourself reinforce each other.” In fact, while Wann has long been recognised as one of the foremost leaders in the fat acceptance movement, she herself doesn’t use that term. “I talk about fat liberation...I’m not asking people to accept me — I’m asking people to get out of my way. And addressing internalised oppression is about liberation, too.”

For Wann, “there’s not a lot of distinction between personal and political realities.” That’s why, she stresses, it’s important to work on healing your own wounds, while simultaneously fighting for others. “If you’re not addressing internalised stuff, you’re going to carry it around with you in whatever activism work you’re doing, and just do more harm, and reinforce the systems that you claim to be wanting to undo. And if you’re only focusing on the internal stuff, and not connecting it to the world outside your front door, then every time you leave home, the state of things continues to push you backwards.”

Furthermore, she adds, there’s no need to choose between addressing body-related issues and other problems in the world. “I prefer not to invest in scarcity thinking. I don’t want to get into oppression olympics with any other group. We all have to choose how we spend our time, but I think our awarenesses can be infinite. I imagine that I can be aware of racism and sexism and homophobia, and also fat oppression. And that they don’t actually take away from each other. They support each other in kind of solidarity, ideally.” After all, she points out, “fat oppression is operating in racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, classism — and, in who we have as president of the United States right now.”

Journalist Keah Brown believes that, for many people, the simple act of being present in the world is a form of activism: “I think my mere existence is a political act.” Being a Black disabled woman, Brown once described herself as “twice as much of an outsider.” Even within the body positivity movement, disabled people are underrepresented. In terms of mainstream representation, they’re even less visible. And on the rare occasions a disabled person does appear, in media, for example, “it’s usually a white person in a wheelchair,” Brown says.

Brown is neither of those things, and for people like her, she says, “Just existing and working towards feeling better about yourself and the body that you live in, and trying to find ways to best live in that body, is a political act.” She continues, “talking about my body, talking about blackness, talking about womanhood, and talking about disability as a whole, I take very seriously. And I consider it a form of activism, because my existence is not something that is always celebrated or championed or met with support.”

That’s part of what inspired Brown’s viral hashtag #DisabledAndCute, which began sweeping through Twitter earlier this year. She’d been grappling with self-acceptance and body acceptance her whole life, until one morning in December of 2016, “I just looked in the mirror and I was like, ‘Oh. You’re kind of cute. You’re cute, girl.’ And then I went on about my day thinking that this feeling was not going to last.” But, two months later, her newfound confidence was still there. “So, I posted four of my favourite pictures on Twitter and attached the hashtag, and then it just took off from there.” Within an hour, the hashtag was trending, and months later, Twitter users still use it while sharing their own #DisabledAndCute pictures.

“It was really about celebrating my body for the first time, because I had spent so long being enemies with it,” says Brown. But when she saw how fast and how eagerly others in the disabled community jumped onto the hashtag, she realised it could and should be about more than just her own experience. “I just want disabled people of colour, specifically, to feel like they don’t have to hate themselves. I don’t want it to take as long for someone else as it did for me. Being here, right now, not waking up and being sad immediately because I’m still in this body. Waking up and looking at it, and falling in love with it, has been such a magical experience for me.”

Virgie Tovar, a speaker and author, underscores this message, pointing out that political action takes many forms, all of which are valid and necessary. Right now, she says, “A lot of people are engaging in politics that are deeply personal, and they’re doing it in ways that are innovative and feel organic to them.” Tovar believes that, “in order for activism to be sustainable, it has to feel organic. It has to feel nourishing.”

in a recent survey of 1,000 Refinery29 readers, nearly half agree that it’s a form of activism just to love your body as it is.

And, she adds, it’s perfectly fine to keep it simple and test the waters, especially if you’re new to activism. “It’s okay if your politics aren’t ‘perfect,’ and you’re starting out with just some really small things that are fun for you…Oftentimes, when a person starts with a very, very small issue that’s very personal to them, the deeper they get into that political process [and] the more multiplicitous their politics become.”

That may even mean starting with yourself alone. “When you are inhabiting a marginalised identity, even self-care can be a political act,” Tovar says. “Doing that work of healing and caring for yourself — the work that society is not doing for you — of course is a political act.” That in itself, she concludes, “is like a revolution for one.”

Again, working on yourself alone is not the whole battle. But it is a great place to start — the best place, in fact. Finding a way to fully embrace your body is not only a means of bettering your life, but also of making you more able to better the lives of others. That was true before the election, and it is just as true today. You might not have seen it that way before. I didn’t. But now I understand how important it is for all of us who have the privilege of taking care of ourselves to do so. I get it now. Better late than never.

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When's the last time you ordered a Long Island Iced Tea? We'd be seriously hard pressed to remember any specific occasion when we slugged down one of these potent cocktails. Partially because it may have never happened in the first place — but mainly because if it did, we don't actually remember it (due to aforementioned potency). Let's face it, the drink doesn't have the best reputation. It's known for being a mismatched trash-hodgepodge of liquors, soda, and citrus with some legendary hangover aftermath attached. But is the L.I.I.T. (yes, it's lit) really that bad? Because after all, someone took the time to invent this boozy beverage — and clearly people are still ordering the damn thing. So maybe we've been missing out on something summery and splendid this whole time? Let's take a closer look.

According to Thrillist, the invention of the first Long Island Iced Tea is pretty murky and stems all the way back from the 1920s prohibition era (pretty cool, no?), into a 1960s Betty Crocker Cookbook, and all the way up to a 1970s drinking contest invention by Robert Butt ( lol). The drink is made up of equal parts vodka, tequila, light rum, and gin, finished with a dash of Coca-Cola (or Pepsi) and a twist of lime or lemon. Usually served over crushed ice and out of a highball glass, it's a sight to behold; like a warm summer sunset.

The taste? Well, when made with the right proportions, it's surprisingly (and strangely) refreshing — like a powerful sweet tea. If you're looking to get fancier, you can always add in a dash of Triple Sec or even a bit of sweet and sour mix. You could also go for a Dark and Stormy vibe with a little ginger beer in place of the classic soda; the mixology world is your boozy oyster.

A defence of the drink, written by the New York Post, claims that the majority of negative responses to the cocktail have come from batches made with bottom of the barrel alcohol — and that when made with the good stuff, it's actually a damn good drink.

So here's to the Long Island Iced Tea! An outcast in the craft cocktail world that we may just make a case for this summer. It could be the OG summer drink after all. So check out a few recipes below, from classic to quirky, and let us know what you think — maybe it's time we all get L.I.I.T.

Recipes
Long Island Iced Tea
Strawberry Long Island Iced Tea
Long Island Iced Coffee
Long Island Apple Tea

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Pay a visit to the beaches in Tel Aviv, and it may surprise you how similar they feel to the seaside towns in the US Tourists and locals intermingle, women stroll around in sundresses and swimsuits, and people notice (and discuss) each other's bodies.

Photographer Mayan Toledano, who visited Tel Aviv for Refinery29, tells us that the women she shot and interviewed at the beach were more than happy to share memorable comments they've received about their own bodies. Overwhelmingly, the first remarks that leapt to mind for these women were negative ones.

"It was the easiest and first thing they all answered, almost like they have been waiting to say it," Toledano says.

But the comments they found problematic weren't exclusively negative. In fact, many of the women said that even compliments made them feel self-conscious — or, as Toledano put it, "measured" against other women. "We don't have to comment on external things all the time," she says. "We can compliment each other more, but we can also just be in our bodies without giving it [so much] attention or seeking confirmation."

This conflict, between affirming someone's appearance and not wanting to make it seem like that's the only thing that matters, is something we're exploring all summer long here at R29. And unfortunately, of the 1,000 women we surveyed this year, one in four of them "loathe" their bodies. It isn't exactly comforting to know that women across the globe also struggle with these issues, but it's an important reminder that body negativity is an international problem.

Ahead, see Toledano's photos of Israeli women at the beach and read their thoughts on body talk.

Interviews have been edited for length and clarity.

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It’s long been said that music has the power to manipulate one’s mood. Its lyrical devices stir up feelings of excitement, nostalgia, passion, and jubilance. And that sentiment isn’t more true than when listening to the evocative and romantic songs produced, written, and performed by singer-songwriter Mary Lambert.

Lambert is skilled in providing entertainment through her danceable pop tracks and music videos, like “Know Your Name,” which Refinery29 has the honour of premiering below, but she's capable of doing much more than simply provide the soundtrack for our lives. The 28-year-old is a champion of inclusion both on stage (you may know her from her "Same Love" performance at the 2014 Grammys alongside Macklemore and Ryan Lewis) as well as on her brand new debut independent album, aptly named Bold(released May 5). " Bold is a really encompassing term for what these songs meant," she told Refinery29 over the phone. "Each song has its own story of being 'bold.'"

And "bold" is the perfect way to summarise the memorable and exciting music video for "Know Your Name." Lambert and I agreed to deem it a "nerdy" take on Taylor Swift's girl gang anthem, "Bad Blood," but Lambert's is telling a story of Crush At First Sight, not a girl-on-girl cat fight.

"Know Your Name" is a dance-infused bop and if you're wondering why everyone in the video looks like they're having the best time ever, it's because they are — they're all friends IRL. On the inspiration behind the video, Lambert tells me:

"I was sort of sitting on it and was trying to think of anything — like, what would be the impetus for knowing someone’s name. Often times I feel like those narratives are someone walks into a bar or someone walks into a restaurant. But I go into this arcade bar where I live and have so much fun there and my assistant, Nadia, had this great idea: What if [you've got a crush on] someone who is really into arcade games? And I sorta ran with it. I said we gotta do a stunt squad, and we gotta make it sort of post-apocalyptic. I am kind of nerdy so I wanted light sabers and all this stuff. It got kind of crazy and really fun, and I got more friends involved in it."

In addition to this action-packed love letter to nerd culture ("I am SUCH a fan of nerd culture"), the rest of her album posses a range of tracks, each one drawn from Lambert's personal life. "There are three fun, upbeat pop songs and there are a couple down tempo tracks and two ballads," she said. "I produced half of the EP, so this is sort of me testing the water a little bit for me being a producer." She adds: "These songs were all in my life and I had to figure out how they fit together."

This is her first release as an independent artist without a major label backing her (she was formerly at Capitol Records and says the two simply went through “conscious uncoupling”) and she hopes that the complexity of the album and its lyrics resonate with her listeners and her community. (Lambert is known for her open and emotional lyrics about LGBTQ rights, body positivity, and personal trauma.)

"I hope that there is a sense of empowerment and a joyfulness," she said. "That it is just enjoyable to listen to and that if someone feels compelled to cry, they cry. And if someone feels compelled to dance, they dance. I hope they both cry and dance, and then cry-dance. Those are my two modes actually. Those are all I have."

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Dear Because I Said So,

How do you teach a kid tact? My son will say things to his grandfather like, "If you're the same age, why are you so much more broken down than my other grandpa?" I'm raising boys, so I partially think teaching them to be over-considerate instead of under is a public service, but I know I personally err in the other direction — sometimes being too concerned with what other people think. How do I teach my kid to simultaneously get down with his bad self and mind all the feelings and needs of others? — Kids Have No Tact

Dear No Tact,

My daughter was barely 3 years old when she told great-grandma, “Actu-wally babies come out of a mommy’s bagina and not from a stork. You know nofing!” She once leaned out of a car window to yell, “Look at that fat man on a small bike!” And she shouted to our cranky neighbour who wears a lot of flowy skirts, “What, are you a witch or somefing?” Tactlessness is my life, and I’m #sofreakingblessed.

The world is a wild, weird place — even for those of us who’ve been here for a while — and kids are just learning to sort it all out. When they talk about what they see, they aren't motivated by cruelty but awe. And it’s true: Some people have brown skin, some people are big or small, some people don’t have legs. Sure, it is annoying as hell to have your child shout these things in the grocery store, but it’s not ill-intentioned the way it sometimes is when older people comment on human difference.

Shushing a child when they point out someone’s weight or disability doesn’t teach them tact, it teaches them that being different isn’t something we talk about. But we should talk about difference — and often. Your child’s questions (rather, assertions) are the perfect opportunity to help them begin to understand the world around them.

One way to mitigate our children's surprise at difference is putting them in scenarios where they are surrounded by different types of people. My younger brother has Down syndrome; talking about Uncle Noah and why he is different has helped my kids not be so flummoxed by disability when they see it in the people around them. If difference is a way of life for kids — and one that is explained as positive — it won't be so jarring when they encounter it.

There are also really good books out there that teach children the concept of pairing truth with kindness. I’ve read my kids Princess Kim and Too Much Truth dozens of times in order to make them understand why their aunt cries when they pat her belly and ask when the next baby is coming. The book is too princess-focused to be perfect, but it gets the conversation started.

When your kid says something truthful and awkward, just nod. Later, when things are less tense, explain, “Yes, that woman was making weird sounds at the library, but she was actually speaking French, which isn’t weird at all — it’s just a language you don’t know. And also, people don’t feel comfortable being pointed to in public, so next time, just ask a little quieter. We don’t want anyone to be made to feel sad for who they are.” That’s all you have to say.

In safe situations, like with family or friends, encourage your kids to ask the person the question themselves. Once, my daughter asked a friend of mine if she was a boy or a girl. The friend gave my daughter a lovely talk about being born a girl but feeling like a boy inside. And my daughter just took it all in, then offered her a cookie and said, “Do you.”

So, take a breath and absolve yourself of the anxiety you feel when your kid tells grandpa about his broke-down face. It is not your job to apologise for your kids. They are kids. This phase is normal. In fact, young children are developmentally unable to view the world from someone else's eyes. They don’t yet understand moral behaviour and empathy. In sum, kids are tiny sociopaths. Take a stiff drink, learn to shrug and laugh. It’s not your job to manage the emotions of others. And honestly, while tact is a useful tool for them to add to their kit over time, it’s not your child’s job to manage the emotions of the people around them, either. If grandpa gets mad at your son for being a normal toddler, that’s grandpa’s fault. Not your son’s.

We thrust these little humans into a weird and wonderful world that is frankly flummoxing. It doesn’t make sense to get mad at them when they point this out. And if we can’t give them answers, at the very least, we owe them the space to grapple with the world on their own terms. Even if that means grandpa gets called old in the process.

Because I Said So

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It’s been a few years since the term “sugar baby” began circulating the internet, but the world has not yet tired of the concept. There are stories of women making £7,000 a year going on dates with men or sugar babies falling in love with their sugar daddies — and then there's the complicated question of whether this is sex work or dating with benefits.

Rarely, however, does one get to ask a sugar baby questions about the financial side of these arrangements. Ahead, we chat with Crystal Milan*, a 32-year-old sugar baby on Arrangement.com, about what her job description is, what her relationships are like, and what she expects from her sugar daddies in return.

This interview is part one of our series about sugar babies. It has been edited and condensed for clarity. Names have been changed.

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Believe it or not, they don't make you run in slow motion toward a camera wearing a high-cut bathing suit when you train for your lifeguard certification. In fact, it's much harder than Baywatch makes it seem, and just reading through the job requisites is exhausting.

"It can be cutthroat," says Courtney Harrough, 24, a certified deep-water lifeguard, writer, and server in Orlando, FL. "The reality is that it's a physically demanding job, and you need stamina and resilience to keep up." For starters, you have to know how to give first aid and practice life-saving skills, in and around water; rescue a victim who's drowning; swim proficiently; and perform CPR or use an AED at a moment's notice. And you have to be able to do all this in the burning hot sun, while keeping vigilant eye contact on the pool. It's definitely not for the faint of heart, and it takes weeks to complete training and testing.

Harrough, who swam competitively and played water polo in high school, says her peers weren't necessarily welcoming throughout the training process, and some people had no qualms making unwelcome comments about her body. "A woman my height, but three times smaller than me said, 'I find it hard to believe you were an athletic swimmer,'" Harrough says. But for better or for worse, she's used to dealing with comments like this and proving other people wrong. "If you're a plus-size woman presenting to a company, not just for an athletic-based career, you face a stigma that if you're fat, you're lazy."

Harrough spoke candidly about what it's really like to be a plus-size deep water lifeguard — and exactly how to respond when someone says that you can't.

When your second round of interviews requires you to get a little wet, don't mind me. 🌴 - How many times have you set your sights on a job, a position in life and doubted yourself? Uh- I have done that MANY times! Yesterday in my interview I was met with such excitement that I wanted to be a lifeguard by the board of my prospective employers. They informed me the Deep Water position is rigorous and can be tiring at times, I answered with a resounding "I have no doubt I can rise to the occasion and swim with the best of them!" My weight and height may cause some to think that I'd only be a pleasantly perched beached whale upon a lifeguard stand - but that isn't the case. My body is strong, sturdy, and sexy! I don't have smooth legs, or cut shoulders accented by tiny boobs like most of the girls in my class but I have courage, and a spirit to try. That is all is takes in this world. Carry yourself with courage my dear friends and do not let your size, shape, weight, or height be a factor of fear to your future endeavors! 🙌🏻 - Wish me luck as I dive in to save some folks and swim my butt off for a deep water lifeguard position. 🌤🌊

A post shared by Courtney Paige 📍Somewhere, USA (@peach_e_paige) on Mar 11, 2017 at 8:27am PST

How'd you get into lifeguarding? Were you always a swimmer or was it something you discovered as an adult?

"I've been in water sports since I was younger. I was a competitive swimmer, and in a women's water polo league. I grew up in and around water because my mom was a professional swimmer. In Orlando, it's hard to find a minimum-wage job to live off of, and lifeguarding pays good money — even though it's physically and mentally demanding, and you have to know how to save a person."

Has anyone ever doubted your ability to do your job? What do you say to them in those instances?

"I try my hardest not to be nasty to people. I said [to the woman who said she doubted I was a swimmer], 'I think what's cool about the human body is it takes different shapes and forms, and is capable of different things. Your background is freestyle, so you need to be lean and long. Mine is water polo, so it helps being hefty and strong. We've manifested strength in different ways; you're more streamlined, and mine is more outward.'

"When I went through training, I passed, and there was no question as to what my weight could do. But when it came time for actually implementing my job, they had no uniform for me. They said, 'You don't look like a regular lifeguard, we're going to have to pull you from your job.' I said, 'I'm sorry, you're not going to pull me. If my weight was such an aesthetic issue, you would've seen it, because I've been half-naked in a swimsuit. If you knew you couldn't accommodate, you shouldn't have put me through this. And you're not going to fire me, because that's discrimination. We're going to figure out how to get it done.'"

What happens when a ginger steps too close to the sun ☀️

A post shared by Courtney Paige 📍Somewhere, USA (@peach_e_paige) on Mar 26, 2017 at 7:30am PDT

How did you resolve the swimsuit issue?

"I had to wear my own swimsuit, which I bought out of my own pocket. They gave me a men's shirt, and I had to purchase my own shorts because they weren't willing to reimburse. They said, 'We never assumed a person of your size would want a job like this.' I said, 'Oh good.'

"If it's a matter of my ability to perform my job, that's one thing. If it's aesthetics, you're fat-shaming and size-shaming. And you're being really rude, because fat people can do so much more than we think they can. Fat women have a right to lifeguard."

Baywatch is coming out this week — that franchise has obviously influenced many of our perceptions about lifeguards. What's the biggest misconception you think people have?

"That you have to look perfect in order to save somebody. Nobody cares what you look like when they're near death and just want to be saved. You don't have to have your boobs perky or your cellulite hidden — all they care about is if you can swim and whether you have their back.

"I will go see the movie because I'm all about a stupid comedy. I love Dwayne Johnson. It's sad because that movie will further ingrain in the minds of other people — especially aspiring lifeguards or trainers — that they couldn't possibly fit in and be considered capable or valuable in that field of work. Obviously they are, I've proven it. It'll be harder on me, and it won't be perfect. But if you love it and want to better lives and keep safe, it doesn't matter.

"A huge misconception is that lifeguards are dumb oafs who look really good. You need to be a human with patience and heart for other people. I sacrifice all the energy I have in my body to help someone be safe — that's what the job should be."

I PASSED MY DEEP WATER LIFEGUARD TEST! This is what it looks like to bust your butt for two days in a row in an effort to get where you want to be. I hoisted my 300lb body out of 10ft deep pools repeatedly, rescued people, and battled fatigue. Bruising, cuts, blood, blisters, and burns are the result of these past two days. Do not let your weight, size, shape, or fear keep you from owning your life!! ❤️💕❤️ I hope I can be of an example to everyone who is in a class that may seem more physically capable than you. You are JUST as capable - do not give up.

A post shared by Courtney Paige 📍Somewhere, USA (@peach_e_paige) on Mar 26, 2017 at 5:28pm PDT

What advice would you give someone who's interested in lifeguarding, but is worried that their body would make it off-limits?

"The message, in general, extends beyond the beach. I would tell people that you can be a leader — of yourself and others — even if you're not fit. You can be so much more than what you think you can. Have inner strength, and people who uplift you, that's the overarching thing that I hope bleeds out. Find your niche, your good people, and know that your body is your friend.

"Breathe and remember that your body has never been in the way. It got you here, wherever you find yourself. Your body is your biggest ally, it keeps you safe and alive. It harnesses all the things you want to accomplish, and it's your friend. Whoever doesn't see it like that isn't your friend, so go find new ones."

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Still in the midst of crisis, Ariana Grande has decided to suspend the rest of her Dangerous Woman tour. This decision comes after an attacker detonated a bomb towards the end of the singer's performance at the Manchester Arena in northern England on Monday night, killing a now-estimated 22 people and injuring over 50. Ariana Grande was safe during the explosion, but has decided not to push forward with the rest of her tour given the traumatic nature of the event.

“Due to the tragic events in Manchester the Dangerous Woman tour with Ariana Grande has been suspended until we can further assess the situation and pay our proper respects to those lost,” her management said in a statement to People. “The London 02 shows this week have been cancelled as well as all shows thru June 5 in Switzerland.”

"We ask at this time that we all continue to support the city of Manchester and all those families affected by this cowardice and senseless act of violence," the statement concludes. "Our way of life has once again been threatened but we will overcome this together."

Grande's immediate response to the incident went up later that same night.

"Broken," she posted on Twitter. "From the bottom of my heart, i am so so sorry. i don't have words."

broken.
from the bottom of my heart, i am so so sorry. i don't have words.

— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) May 23, 2017

"We mourn the lives of children and loved ones taken by this cowardly act," her manager, Scooter Braun, said in an earlier statement on Twitter. "We are thankful for the selfless service tonight of Manchester's first responders who rushed towards danger to help save lives. We ask all of you to hold the victims, their families, and all those affected in your hearts and prayers."

Other celebrities are figuring out their own ways of dealing with the news: Fans of Justin Bieber are begging him to cancel his UK tour, and Harry Styles held a moment of silence at his tour stop in Mexico City Wednesday night. For her part, Grande absolutely deserves time off to mourn this horrifying event.

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News of the terror attack at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, England on Monday night has shaken the entire world. On Tuesday, 22 people had been confirmed dead and 59 wounded, some with life-threatening injuries. The blast happened as crowds of teenagers, mostly girls, left the concert venue. According to the authorities, at least 12 of the 59 people hurt in the bombing were children under the age of 16.

The names of the 22 victims who died in the blast have not been officially released, but details about their lives are beginning to emerge. Here what we know about the victims of the Manchester attack so far.

Eilidh MacLeod, age 14

The Scottish schoolgirl loved music, from listening to Ariana Grande to playing the bagpipes with her band.Her family said the 14-year-old, from the Scottish island of Barra, was "vivacious and full of fun." Eilidh had attended the concert with her friend, Laura MacIntyre, 15, who was seriously injured and remains in the hospital.Their head teacher at Castlebay Community School said the attack had left the island community feeling numb from shock.

Courtney Boyle and Philip Tron, age 19 and 32

Boyle was Tron's stepdaughter and they attended the concert together. They both lost their lives in the blast.Tron was described by his family as a man with an infectious laugh.In a statement, Boyle's boyfriend called her his soulmate, "an adventurer, a precious and joyous soul." Her father said, "I am going to miss my baby girl Courtney Boyle for the rest of my life."

Chloe Rutherford and Liam Curry, age 17 and 19

The teenagers were described as a perfect couple who "wanted to be together forever" — and now they are, their families said.The families said Chloe, who described herself as ditzy, was adored by Liam, who was a keen cricket player and was studying sport and exercise science at Northumbria University.In a statement, the relatives said: "On the night our daughter Chloe died and our son Liam died, their wings were ready but our hearts were not."

Sorrell Leczkowski, age 14

The student wanted to be an architect and go to Columbia University in New York when she grew up.On the night of the blast, her grandparents and mother had gone to Manchester Arena to pick her up. In a statement, her grandfather said his wife, Pauline, is in intensive care, while Sorrell's mother, Samantha, is recovering from surgery as she tries to make sense of her loss.The family said Sorrell wanted to study architecture to build hotels "with slides coming out of the rooms," and so she could "build her mum a house."

Elaine McIver, age 43

The policewoman always urged those she knew not to be cowed by fear tactics.McIver, who served with Cheshire Police, was at the concert with her partner, Paul, who was wounded in the explosion.British media reported that her two children were also there and were also hurt.In a statement Thursday, her family said she was "the best we could ever have wished for," adding: "Despite what has happened to her, she would want us all to carry on regardless and not be frightened by fear tactics, instead she regularly urged us all to rise up against it."

Michelle Kiss, age 45

Kiss was a mother of three and a loving wife, sister, and daughter — and "family was her life," her loved ones say.In a statement released to Manchester police, her family said, "She has been taken away from us and all that love her in the most traumatic way imaginable." The Daily Mirror newspaper reported that Kiss attended Monday's concert with her daughter.Her family said, "We hope to draw from the courage and strength she showed in her life to get through this extremely difficult time."Her daughter was reported to be safe and was photographed being hugged by a police officer.

Jane Tweddle-Taylor, age 41

Tweddle-Taylor was a receptionist and well-loved member of the staff at the South Shore Academy in the northern English seaside town of Blackpool.The academy's principal, Jane Bailey, said tributes had poured in from parents, students, and colleagues describing Tweddle as "bubbly, kind, welcoming, funny, generous." She said the mother of three daughters was "irreplaceable, much loved, and will never be forgotten."Tweddle had reportedly gone to Manchester with a friend to pick up the friend's daughter, who was attending the Ariana Grande concert.

Marcin and Angelika Klis, age 42 and 39

The Polish couple had come to collect their daughters from the concert when they were killed by the blast.Poland's foreign minister, Witold Waszczykowski, said the daughters — one a minor, one an adult— were unharmed in the attack. He did not give the couple's names, but one daughter of Marcin and Angelika has been publicly searching for her parents since the explosion.A Facebook page "Remembering Marcin Klis" says he lived in the northern English city of York, worked for the York Cars Taxi Service, and came from the Polish town of Darlowo on the Baltic Sea.In his latest entry from March 21, he shared a link from a protest in York against Uber car services. Entries from 2015 show him vacationing with family in Egypt.

Nell Jones, age 14

The teenager went to a school in the village of Holmes Chapel, south of Manchester, and was described by a teacher as "a very popular girl, always smiling, always positive."Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School and Sixth Form College said police had confirmed Nell died at the scene of the bombing. Head teacher Denis Oliver said in a statement Wednesday that the school community was devastated by the news.He quoted Nell's teacher, David Wheeler, saying that her tutor group had been together since the transition from primary school: "It feels like they have lost a sister not a classmate."

Martyn Hett, age 29

Hett was the digital manager at a Manchester public relations company called Rumpus. The business paid tribute to him and said he was man who "loved life and celebrated it every day."Hett, reported to be 29, had appeared on the reality TV shows Tattoo Fixers and Come Dine With Me. Rumpus said on its website that Hett had packed life "to the brim with his passions." The company also said "he was taken from this world too soon, by forces we will never truly understand."

Olivia Campbell-Hardy, age 15

The teenager, who went to a school near Manchester, was at the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester with a friend on Monday night.Tottington High School in the town of Bury said the school community was "absolutely devastated and heartbroken" at the news that Olivia was killed in the blast.The school said Olivia, reportedly 15, had been with a friend who has since undergone surgery to treat injuries sustained in the explosion.Her mother, Charlotte Campbell, who had been appealing online for news of Olivia, wrote in a Facebook post early Wednesday: "RIP my darling precious gorgeous girl Olivia Campbell taken far far too soon, go sing with the angels and keep smiling mummy loves you so much."

Saffie Roussos, age 8

Roussos was the youngest of the 22 victims identified.

In a statement, the head teacher of the Tarleton Community Primary School that she attended in the village of Tarleton, Lancashire, described her as "simply a beautiful little girl in every aspect of the word. She was loved by everyone and her warmth and kindness will be remembered fondly. Saffie was quiet and unassuming with a creative flair."

The head teacher, Chris Upton, said her death was "a tremendous shock to all of us."

"The thought that anyone could go out to a concert and not come home is heartbreaking," he said.

The schoolgirl had been at the concert with her mother, Lisa Roussos, and sister, Ashlee Bromwich (in her 20s), from Leyland, Lancashire. They are both now in separate hospitals being treated for injuries, friends said.

Georgina Callander, age 18

The student was a mega fan of Ariana Grande, with a picture of the two circulating on social media as her name emerged as the first confirmed victim.

One of the Manchester victims, Georgina Callander, was just 18. She met Ariana Grande two years ago. https://t.co/xVFjqfLlAZ pic.twitter.com/nc61MAQlwB

— David Mack (@davidmackau) May 23, 2017

Peter Rawlinson, deputy of the Bishop Rawstorne Church of England Academy, where Callander was a former pupil, told The Associated Press that her family had confirmed the death.

Rawlinson says Callander "was academically a very gifted student, very hard-working. Just lovely to speak to."

The school posted a photo of Callander on its website, smiling in her school uniform. It said she died of wounds from the attack and described her as "a lovely young student who was very popular with her peers and the staff."

This is a developing story. Check back for updates.

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Whatever we used to say to our bullies about rubber and glue, the truth is, words can hurt, and they can stick with us for a really, really long time: especially those that make us feel bad about our appearance. According to a recent survey of 1,000 Refinery29 readers, more than half of us were shamed for our bodies by age 14. And those early weight-related comments can have profound, long-lasting effects, experts say: Even critiques that seem inconsequential or come from a "good place" can do damage that stays with us for decades.

"We live in a society that is structured to privilege and elevate thinner bodies over heavier ones," says Jeffrey Hunger, PhD, a researcher who specialises in the health effects of stigma at UCLA. "When someone is living in this anti-fat society and told that they’re fat, of course there are going to be long-term consequences — what they’re hearing is that they're going to be marginalised, looked down on, and discriminated against simply because of their body."

Hearing these critiques at an early age is especially intense. "For people entering adolescence who are just figuring out who they are, comments about appearance can be particularly influential," says David Frederick, PhD, an assistant professor of health psychology at Chapman University. "We care because we know that how we're viewed can have a big impact on our lives."

One factor that can make body-shaming more significant is who it's coming from, Dr. Hunger says. In particular, research suggests that negative comments from close friends or family members — a common occurrence, our survey responses indicate — tend to be much more impactful than those from strangers (although those are no good, either). That's because, under normal circumstances, your family is supposed to be the people you can turn to at any time for social support. "But if those are the people telling you that you could 'stand to lose a few pounds,' you're not only losing a source of social support, you're also getting these negative experiences," Dr. Hunger says. "It's a double whammy."

So is there anything we can do to help the young people in our lives have better relationships with their bodies? Absolutely — and it starts with modelling our own healthy attitudes towards our bodies. "As parents or people interacting with children, if we ourselves can get to a place where we’re comfortable in our own skin, we show kids that is possible," Dr. Hunger says.

On top of that, we can do our best to leave weight out of health-related discussions. "We can talk about eating well, staying active, and getting good sleep and not once do we have to mention the word 'weight,'" Dr. Hunger says. Part of that is also focusing on the way our bodies feel and what they do rather than the way they look, Dr. Frederick adds. For instance, checking in with your strength, agility, or stamina rather than routinely monitoring how you look to the outside world can help foster a healthy satisfaction with our bodies.

To see some examples of the effects of weight-shaming in childhood, continue on to read a selection of the anonymous responses we received from the R29 community.

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That relationships between women are complicated might be the grand understatement of the century — and yet, it's completely true. Whether we're talking about you and your very best bestie, your sprawling college crew, or the close knit circle of girls you grew up with, the ins and outs of female friendship can be tricky to truly understand, explains socio-linguist Deborah Tannen.

She should know: She's literally written the book on the subject. In You're The Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women's Friendships, Tannen's latest nonfiction tome, which was released this month and tackles exactly what the title suggests, the author delves into the essentials of why conversations between girlfriends are so distinct from other types of personal connections in our lives. We spoke to Tannen about what spilling a secret means among women, why sometimes gossip can be a good thing, and the ways that even little girls ice each other out with the silent treatment. She also gave us a good rule of thumb for preserving your BFF status — read through to the end for her bona fide expert advice.

As a linguist and a writer, you've tackled a lot of specific relationship dynamics in the past. Why the language of female friendship now?
"My last book was about sisters, and before that there was mothers and daughters, so the third and final all-women relationship that plays such a huge part in many women’s lives is friendships. Many women that I interviewed — over 80 formal interviews, plus everybody I ran into during the time I was writing — said things like 'my women friends are my life' or ‘my women friends are the most sustaining thing in my life’ and 'my female friendships are as essential as air.’

"But I also heard about problems with women friends. One woman commented that a significant part of her conversations with her therapist are about a particular friend who she has problems with. Talk is, of course, a huge part of women’s friendships and close relationships — and much of what women friends talk about is other women friends."

I think most women are aware that the conversations among all-female circles are special. But what's really behind the difference between language used by women with friends and the way men use language?
"Way back in [my book] You Just Don’t Understand, I traced it to the way that little girls and little boys use language with their same-sex best friends, and how they tend to play with their same-sex best friends. It seems to be pretty common across many cultures of the world that little girls spend more time sitting and talking — that their social life focuses on their best friend. Something I used to say is: Your best friend is the one you tell everything to, for girls and women; whereas, for men, your best friend is the one you do everything with. The focus is on talk for girls and women. The focus is on activity for boys and men. That seems to trace back to childhood. It begs the question: Is that socialisation they learn from other boys and girls, or is that inborn? There’s nothing in my training that would equip me to answer that question. My guess would be that it’s an inextricable combination of both."

"'Friend' means something different to different people. One thing about that word is that it can cover so many different relationships: people you’ve known your whole life; people you’ve just met; people you talk to, you see socially, you email with; people you’ve never met, like only online friends. But definitely, there are certain tendencies that go with life stages: Friends can really be the focus of your life in middle school, high school, college. If you’re married, if you’re working, if you have children, then you’ve got another focus of your life, and your friendships become less of a pressure cooker."

One thing you write about in the book is how secrets between women can be demonstrative of different power dynamics. Can you break that down?
"Put it this way: A woman said to me, 'When you tell someone personal information, it’s like, ‘Here’s this little piece of me. That means I like you.' So now they have a piece of you. The question is: What are they going to do with it? The comfort of being able to tell someone your secrets — things about you other people don’t know — for many people was a marker of close friendship, as in, ‘Close friends know things about me no one else would know.'

"But that does leave you open to the risk of them repeating your secret to other people, for a whole host of reasons: It could be an accident, because they didn’t know it was personal. But it could also be intentional, and there’s two reasons that could be. One is: Girls and women are quite competitive about who knows what and who knows first, because that is a marker of how close you are, and we like to be able to show off how close we are to other women. In some cases, it’s just the women in your circle. But in others, it could be someone with high status and you want to show that you know them; showing that you know their secrets could be a good way to show that you’re close to them, and your status goes up, which can sometimes be why somebody might repeat a secret. Second: There’s always the risk that they get mad at you, which was especially the case in stories I heard from middle school and high school, where intentionally girls decide to turn on someone and then start spreading rumors about her, some of which may be true, and some of which are not."

How has technology shifted female friendships, and specifically the way that women engage with one another?
"I think social media ramps up both the positive and the challenging aspect of relationships — it’s just a new take on processes that have been there for a long time. Girls and women tend to want to be in touch with friends; your friends want to know what’s going on in your life. If something major is happening, and your friend doesn’t know about it, either she finds out she isn’t as good a friend as she thought she was, or she’s just going to feel hurt that you didn’t tell her.

"In a way, being constantly in touch through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, texting, is just an extension of that feeling that you have to keep in touch — that you can’t just disappear for 10 years and then come back. In general, the ability to be in constant touch is an extension of what used to be done by phone conversations. It’s pretty typically that women are in more frequent conversation now, but not as extended. I don’t think people are forgetting how to be friends —my students tell me they still pick up the phone when it’s appropriate, that they know which conversations they feel they should have by phone. But there are differences, too.

"I was intrigued by this example that two women gave me: They were friends ever since college, but since migrating to texting rather than phone calls, one of them was kind of hurt because she had a problem and she felt the answers she was getting from the other friend via text were sort of minimal. So she registered a complaint and her friend said, 'Well, I really didn’t think that texting was an appropriate medium for opening my heart.' But her friend did. Which is all to say: Friends can have very different ideas about what is the appropriate use for media. So that’s one of the things that has been ramped up."

There’s a stereotype that women gossip, as well as a general agreement that gossip is bad. But talking about other people is not always bad: It shows an interest in people.

"And then there’s a thing that has been ramped up that’s been mostly negative, and it’s that girls and women are particularly sensitive to being left out. There’s reason for that: Girls punish girls by leaving them out. Boys don’t do that. They may mistreat their friends, but they don’t leave them out — they don’t lock them out. We’re often hurt to know about things that we weren’t invited to or just things going on that we weren’t part of; that’s always been there. But now you don’t just have to hear about it, you have to see it. You see pictures, and sometimes it blindsides you — you weren’t expecting to suddenly see a picture on another friend’s page of a dinner party, with other friends, that you weren’t invited to. And so you feel that stab of being left out. That’s why I coined the acronym FOBLO: Fear Of Being Left Out."

You had a couple of those — I believe FOGKO was another. Can you tell me about that one?
"FOGKO is Fear Of Getting Kicked Out. I heard many stories about girls — mostly middle school and high school but older ages, too — of when an entire group locks somebody out. They just sort of turn on a girl in a group, stop talking to her, stop inviting her to parties: persona non grata. It’s really devastating. Sometimes I’d hear from a woman in the group who thought it was unjust, but did not speak up; and then I heard from a young woman who recalled that she did speak up and the group kicked her out, too.

"That’s what we’re afraid of, because girls do kick out girls and turn on them. The fear is always there. Groups of women are scary. It’s formidable on the outside, for people trying to get in. But it’s scary on the inside, too, because of that fear that you’ll get kicked out."

Last but not least: Once and for all, when is it okay to gossip about your girlfriends?
"There’s a stereotype that women gossip, as well as a general agreement that gossip is bad. But talking about other people is not always bad: It shows an interest in people. I quote Margaret Meade, who said that anthropologists have to be interested in gossip, that’s what life's about. Gossiping is a kind of philosophising, a way to think about the challenges people face, how they confront those challenges. 'Talking about' is not inherently bad — it’s often positive.

"'Talking against' is the kind of talk that gets confused with gossip — that’s complicated, especially if it’s made up, or if it’s stuff that you shouldn’t be repeating, or it has malicious intent. It’s interesting: Quite a few Irish women writers have written about that; there seems to be a particular risk of talking against in small communities. But, I think, for women of every age, it’s important to keep in mind the idea of conversational style. When you get a negative impression, it might just be a different conversational style. For example: A woman who told a friend her mother was in the hospital and her friend never followed up with, 'How’s your mother doing?' The woman whose mother was ill confronted her friend, who said, 'In my family, we learned you never ask personal questions like that; you let the person bring it up.'

"So what was showing up as not caring was actually a way the friend was showing caring. The more we look outside of our immediate circles, the more we’re going to encounter people with different conversational styles. So being aware of that is really important."

You're The Only One I Can Tell: Inside The Language Of Women's Friendships by Deborah Tannen is available now.

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