Zoolander was the first comedy released in theaters after 9/11. The absurd send-up of the fashion industry focusing on one gloriously dim-witted supermodel seemed to be exactly what people needed at that extremely rough moment in our nation’s history. The film went on to gross over $60 million at the global box office, and has become a cult classic in the years since it came out.
Why? First of all, the plot of Zoolander absolutely ridiculous. It’s up to model Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller), who’s become yesterday’s news thanks to the latest flash in the pan, Hansel (Owen Wilson), to save the Prime Minister of Malaysia from an assassination attempt — that Derek himself has been brainwashed to carry out, mind you. Derek regains confidence in himself, saves his flagging career, and finds love in the process.
Second, Zoolander is chock-full of instantly quotable catchphrases. “I'm not an ambi-turner. I can’t turn left. ” “The files are in the computer. ” “What is this, a center for ants? How can children learn to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?” “Did you ever think that maybe there’s more to life than being really, really, really ridiculously good-looking? ”
There’s something a lot of people forget about Zoolander, though, which is that every celebrity and their mother is in the movie. Seriously. Have you watched it recently? Anyone who could possibly be considered a boldface name in 2001 stops by. Even Donald Trump is there. Yep, he was even showing up where no one really wanted him back then.
With Zoolander 2 hitting theaters on February 12, we did an exhaustive sweep of every single celebrity who makes an appearance in Zoolander. Put on your piano-key necktie and relax, because it’s a long list.
Lance Bass
Role: Himself
Bass appears cheering on Derek — a.k.a. distracting him from taking out the Prime Minister of Malaysia — at the Derelicte fashion show.
Tyson Beckford
Role: Himself
Beckford coaches Derek through the walk-off.
Sandra Bernhard & Lukas Haas
Role: Themselves
Just some more completely random fashion show guests.
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.David Bowie
Role: Himself
The Thin White Duke ups this movie’s chill factor by, like, a zillion when he breezes in on a shooting star to judge the walk-off.
Stephen Dorff
Role: Himself
Another very random guest at the Derelicte fashion show.
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.David Duchovny
Role: J.P. Prewitt
Prewitt, the world's greatest hand model, meets Derek and Matilda (Christine Taylor) in a cemetery to explain that male models have been instrumental in every major political assassination for the past 200 years, because they do exactly as they’re told.
Fabio
Role: Himself
Winner of the Slashie Award for Best Actor “Slash” Model — and not the other way around.
Fred Durst
Role: Himself
The Limp Bizkit frontman is there to watch the Derelicte fashion show.
Image: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.Judah Friedlander
Role: Scrappy Zoolander
Before he wore ironic trucker hats and took shots at Liz Lemon, Friedlander was Derek Zoolander’s miner brother Scrappy.
Tom Ford
Role: Himself
Said in a Jay Z voice: “Tom Ford.”
Image: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.
Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Role: Himself
He credits Derek Zoolander with reinventing the Afro for the white man. In 2001, no one cried cultural appropriation.
Tommy Hilfiger
Role: Himself
Obviously, all the big designers want to dress Derek and Hansel.
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.Paris Hilton
Role: Herself
Nothing was complete without a Paris Hilton cameo in 2001.
Heidi Klum
Role: Herself
You can see Klum sitting behind Derek and Donatella Versace at the VH1 Fashion Awards. She is dressed extremely early-aughts.
Lenny Kravitz
Role: Himself
The indirect cause of Derek Zoolander’s ultimate humiliation. Thanks, Lenny.
Lil’ Kim
Role: Herself
She’s obviously there to distract Derek from his mission.
Anne Meara
Role: Protester
Ben Stiller’s mother plays a protester who eggs Mugatu.
Natalie Portman
Role: Herself
Would Portman date Derek Zoolander? No, because he’s “almost too good-looking.”
Mark Ronson
Role: Funeral DJ
Because in the world of high fashion, funerals are places to get turnt...with actual turntables.
Image: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.
Gavin Rossdale & Gwen Stefani
Role: Themselves
The now ex-spouses, pictured here a year before they tied the knot, support Hansel at the VH1 Fashion Awards.
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.Winona Ryder
Role: Herself
“I’d really like to continue talking about this conversation when I come back.” Is Derek Zoolander the original Perd Hapley from Parks and Recreation?
Claudia Schiffer & Veronica Webb
Role: Themselves
One supermodel supports Derek at the Derelicte show; another looks a little bored.
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.Garry Shandling
Role: Himself
Probably the most random cameo, and therefore one of the best.
Alexander Skarsgård
Role: Meekus
Dude just doesn’t know how to land a joke or when to let it end. Unfortunately, he’s later killed in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Christian Slater
Role: Himself
Slater expresses his love for Derek Zoolander on the red carpet at the VH1 Fashion Awards.
Photo: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.
Justin Theroux
Role: Evil DJ
He’s the evil DJ who gets his ass kicked by Hansel in a break-dance fight. Additional fun fact: Justin Theroux co-wrote Zoolander 2.
Image: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.
Donald Trump & Melania Knauss
Role: Themselves
They didn’t tie the knot until 2005, but Donald Trump and his future wife, Melania Knauss, appear together in Zoolander. They're on the red carpet at the VH1 Fashion Awards, and in the audience (you can see them clapping at 2:27 in this clip).
Image: Courtesy of Paramount Pictures.Vince Vaughn & Jon Voight
Roles: Luke & Larry Zoolander
Their merman family member, who can't hack it in the mines, is dead to them.
Donatella Versace
Role: Herself
Derek kisses Versace after he thinks Lenny Kravitz announces his name as the recipient of the Male Model of the Year award.
Billy Zane
Role: Himself
Billy Zane is your friend, Derek. He’s a cool dude.
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