At this time of year, our minds are full of objects. What object will mum want? What object will our best friend want? What object will mean something to someone and give them a feeling that endures beyond a day?
While many will leave only a fleeting impression of joy, other objects become axes of importance around which we pivot our lives. An escape from reality; a focal point when all else is blurry; a lifeline when safety is just out of reach.
One in four women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. There is no "typical survivor": they are women of all ages, all backgrounds, all ethnic groups. Some with children, some without. A recent government pledge of £3 million to domestic violence services is, as Sisters Uncut call it, a "sticking plaster " over the devastating wound austerity has inflicted on vital women’s services. Women’s Aid found that on one day in 2015, 92 women and 75 children were turned away from refuges – for nearly half of them, this was because there was no room. They will be turned away at Christmas, too, a time when police forces across the UK report a "seasonal spike" in domestic abuse.
Women’s Aid is the national charity working to end domestic abuse against women and children. They keep survivors' voices at the heart of their work, listening carefully to individual needs in order to act safely.
This Christmas, we have worked closely with Women’s Aid to share stories of survival from six women, told through the objects that gave them strength.
If you are experiencing domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247. Calls are free and will be answered in confidence.
"When I lace up my trainers I’m free. Free to run, free to be me, free to think what I want, to feel what I want, free from the domestic abuse I suffered. My trainers allow me to clear my mind, process what I’ve been through, what’s going on and to make decisions. My trainers have allowed me to make new friends, achieve new things I never thought possible while proving to my children that anything is, and given me back a sense of self-worth. My trainers have carried me around 5ks, 10ks, half marathons, full marathons, up mountains and 41 miles along the Thames. My trainers have allowed me to raise almost £7,000 for Women's Aid to help women and children escape domestic abuse like I did, to help them on their way to being free too."
Jade
"My name is Danielle Prior, I am 16 years old. I grew up witnessing domestic abuse until my dad went to prison in 2010 for offences he committed against three women. One of those women was my mum.
"Every time I felt sad or scared, chocolate comforted me. It was something I saved for times that I needed it most. When everything crazy was happening around me it was my treat. Something to make me happy after my dad was shouting and screaming at my mum or one of his girlfriends.
"I now volunteer at the refuge my mum runs. I play with the children so that their mum can have a chance to relax finally after their abuse. I also campaign to raise awareness about domestic abuse and to raise money for refuges. I have told my story on TV and in the newspapers. This has been really scary for me but I wanted to do it so that I can touch people suffering domestic abuse. I want them to know that there is help out there and that people will believe them – stay strong!"
Danielle
"I lost my mother when I was 6 years old. From that moment on, I became the adult, and I’ve been quite independent through my life. We never really discussed my mum after she died, and I didn’t want to bring it up with my dad because it would upset him.
"This photo was next to my bed on the night of the attack, when I was almost murdered. I have a strong connection to that picture, because I have always said that my strength has come from not having a mother, from having to grow up without that caregiver.
"I’m not the kind of person who would go to counselling sessions; I just went through the internet, and trawled domestic violence forums. The Women’s Aid forum really helped me, because I was talking with other women who had gone through what I had gone through, and were going through the system.
"I’m now on the board of Paladin, the National Stalking Advocacy Service. I’ve been lobbying in parliament for various law changes. It’s alright having a law, but if no one knows how to use it, then it doesn’t get used anyway, and we don’t get the convictions. It’s what they do once they implement the law; how do we then make sure that it’s happening on the ground. I’m an avid campaigner around domestic violence, lobbying parliament, and creating change to safeguard for the future."
Zoe
"This is my mother’s perfume. It was the bottle she was using when she died. I don’t think they even make this kind anymore. When things were really bad with my ex-husband, I was too ashamed to tell my mother how terrible it was. I also didn’t realise for years that what was happening to me was domestic abuse. But when I needed strength, I would think of my mother, and the lovely scent she wore, and it would make me feel better. I am retired now, but I donate to Women’s Aid every month. I want to help women like me know that it isn’t their fault, and that it is abuse. If I can get out, so can they – and I want to support them to leave."
Jennifer
"My name is Daisy Kneer, I am 17 years old. As a child I watched as my dad turned from a loving father into a monster. He was an abusive man and I am happy to say that I haven’t seen him for a very long time now.
"The object I chose was His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman. These books stood out in my mind because they helped me escape from what was going on around me. Books in general have always been a great help to me. When my father was arrested, my family and I went into hiding. I managed to pack some books, His Dark Materials was one of them. It was a world full of alternate universes where anything could happen, elephants could have wheels for legs, little girls could ride giant talking polar bears, and maybe I could live in a place where my mum was safe.
"Mum is my biggest role model. To have gone through everything she has gone through and still be so strong is incredible. She uses her experiences in her job and turns them into something that teaches others about what domestic abuse really is. This is why I volunteer at her refuge for women and their children fleeing from domestic abuse. I have also told my story on TV. I want people to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. For many people it is about having the strength to realise enough is enough, and that realisation is what could save their life."
Daisy
"There was one phrase that changed my life when I was suffering abuse at the hands of my ex-husband. My mum said, ‘You can’t eat a whole elephant, you have to do it in little bites.’ That phrase changed everything for me because I realised that looking at the whole picture was just too overwhelming. All I needed to do to escape was to take it one step at a time. And that’s what I did.
"My ex-husband went to prison for what he did to me and other women. I was only able to go through everything I did by not looking at the whole picture – visualising that elephant saved me.
"I now run a refuge for women and children fleeing abuse. I am also a proud campaigner for @womens_aid and I am one of their survivor ambassadors. I speak to politicians about changing things for survivors, and tell my story in the news in the hope that we can save more women and children from abuse. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and part of that comes from helping other women who can’t see a way out."
Charlotte
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