It started with a tweet: "I wish I loved anything as much as Leonardo DiCaprio loves cargo shorts."
I'd spent enough time sitting through Oscar-bait movies like J. Edgar and Django Unchained, and I was utterly uninterested of any of their hypermasculine characters stripped of nuance. It felt goofy, too, that the star of these movies was so totally unglamorous in real life.
I kind of like Leonardo DiCaprio, but I also kind of can't stand him (I don't trust anyone that thirsty for an Oscar). He works with my favourite director (Martin Scorsese) a lot — Leo is also the patron saint of frat boys with average taste in cinema (of which I know many) — so I've seen quite a few of his movies. It's like the opposite of a meet-cute: sitting through Blood Diamond or Catch Me If You Can, I realised how often I've seen him snapped in photos wearing cargo shorts.
For all his ups ( The Departed) and downs (his e-cigs), I know basically one true thing about Leo: Even though he dates people taller and prettier than me, the real love story of his life is how much he adores his cargo shorts. The heart wants what it wants.
I, like most sentient beings, don't like cargo shorts. Their whole purpose is to demonstrate that you have so many important things, it's necessary to carry some of those important things on your thighs or near your knees. This doesn't make any sense to me, but, apparently it makes a lot of sense to him. (Then again, so did The Revenant — another thing we disagree on.)
Don't be fooled: This is a love story unlike one you've ever read before.
Before The Flood(2016)
You know it's real when Leo's love for cargos intersects with his climate change activism. The trailer for Before the Flood — Leo's National Geographic documentary about saving the environment — features a cameo by his signature garment. Somehow I feel like his Oscar is in that pocket.
Photo: Screenshot.
Parenthood(1990)
Before the Oscar thirst, before Titanic, before The Revenant, there was Parenthood. The 1990 TV drama was swiftly cancelled (only to be picked up two decades later), but this image is its lasting legacy. Pants or shorts, big pockets are (apparently) a deep and abiding love of Leo's.
Photo: Getty Images.
Nothing Gets Between Me & My Cargos(1999)
Proof that true love lasts: cargo pants and Birkenstocks. Weird that he would even ask for a to-go bag, considering he literally has a pair of to-go-bag-sized pockets right above his knees. To each their own.
Photo: Getty Images.
The Beach(2000)
This movie has flown under the radar since its post- Titanic release, but the Danny Boyle film is peak young Leo wearing cargo shorts. Look at this gloriously '90s styling: a white tank AND a puka shell necklace.
Photo: Getty Images.
He Had It Comin'(2002)
A black hat, black windbreaker, and black cargo pants make for a kind of new-age tuxedo. Leo wore it as he escorted his grandma from an NYC performance of Chicago.
Photo: Getty Images.
Ridin' Dirty(2003)
Future Oscar-winner Leonardo DiCaprio was snapped biking on a road in Italy with then-girlfriend Gisele Bündchen. Gisele has come and gone — she's a Patriots fan now, so good luck to her — but the cargo shorts have stuck around.
Photo: Getty Images.
Get In Loser, We're Going Shopping(2010)
Another day, another model. This time, Leo took a stroll with then-girlfriend Bar Refaeli. The pair broke up, but I'm betting he still has the cargo shorts that are (inevitably) in that shopping bag.
Photo: Getty Images.
I Just Blue Myself(2016)
Imagine the phone call that went into buying these shorts: "Yes, I am the Oscar-winning star of The Revenant, and I'd like one pair of cargo shorts. But I'd like them in blue — no, not navy. I'm thinking *NSYNC Justin Timberlake baby-blue."
Photo: Getty Images.
DiCaprio Unchained(2014)
The cargo shorts get a worthy accessory with this pre- Revenant beard and man bun.
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