Backdoor entry is a deal-breaker for many women — a no-way, no-how, entirely off-limits scenario. Still, more than a third of women (36.3%) surveyed in a recent study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine reported having tried anal sex; 13.2% reported having had it within the past 12 months.
For some women, like me, anal sex can be a mind-blowing addition to the bedroom. I’ve never had an orgasm based on anal sex alone, but it’s been a welcome precursor to vaginal penetration and other below-the-belt play. The most intense orgasms I’ve had — ever — have involved some combo of simultaneous vaginal penetration, clit stimulation, and ass play.
The key, for me, is to have a patient partner — one whom I trust. And plenty of lube. I need to be fully relaxed, lubed, and ready. And even then, sometimes it just doesn’t work. Usually, I’d say you can never have too much of a good thing, but size can also be an issue. (Just ask my ex, whose nickname was “Horse Cock.” Awesome intercourse, agonising anal sex.)
So, who’s actually doing it? I talked with six women about what they really think about anal sex. They didn't hold back.
Barbara, Arizona
Age withheld
“I enjoy trying just about everything at least once — rear-door is no exception. Every man I've been with has asked for it. Some knew how to prep and stimulate, but most treated anal sex like vaginal sex, which it's not. Because of all the nerve endings around the anus, it's a playground. But I don't enjoy the sex there. Personally, I am able to achieve all three levels of orgasm from my clitoris, G-Spot, and vagina, so I'm good to go there. I've been told this is not true for some women, and they can only come with anal intercourse. [I think] men feel they are getting something extra with anal. If it feels good [to you], do it. If not, say no. I say no, thank you.”
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet.
Emma, 42
Location withheld
“I have to say, I have the best orgasms with anal sex. But the conservative part of me says it's not a good idea. I always feel nervous, and it hurts, but the orgasms are beyond awesome. Ah, the conundrum.”
Photo: Lauren Perstein.
Vivi, 28, Poland
“It's definitely something that I always wanted to try, but also felt embarrassed and actually a bit ashamed, as it seemed really ‘dirty’ and ‘taboo.’ I think that's the porn industry's influence, as a lot of people associate anal sex with porn.
But once I met my soon-to-be husband, we decided to give it a go, and I loved it. I felt safe with him, and I also know he respects me, which made it much easier to take that leap. It's usually uncomfortable at first, and sometimes even a bit painful, but having a few glasses of wine beforehand helps me to relax.
There are days when it's just no go — I definitely have to be in the mood for it, which is not too often, and I prefer standard intercourse over anal sex any day. But it's a great way to spice things up in the bedroom."
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet.
Roslyn Fleischer, 49, California
“I have only one thought regarding anal sex: If he's small enough to do that comfortably, you shouldn’t be dating him at all.”
Photo: Alexandra Gavillet.
Sam, 25, Canada
“[When] my husband asks me if we can do it, most of the time, I let him do it, but in the back of my mind, I'm like, Is that really necessary? Is [my vagina] not tight enough for you? and quickly shift to I did not eat that much before this, right? Oh shit, I ate all the mashed potatoes! Then, I end up with thoughts of, This will not be comfortable. We all know anal intercourse is one-sided — or at least, that's what I think about it.”
Photo: Lauren Perstein.
Jane, 23, Oregon
“I am often asked for advice by my curious classmates who haven't tried anal yet. I tell them that it can be enjoyable, but acknowledge that it can also be a little bit scary (though I always remind them that it's okay if it's not something they feel comfortable with, and that any sexual act done out of guilt probably won't feel good). The first time I tried it, I was curious and afraid, too. I shook so hard from anticipation that it was difficult not to laugh. It might take a few times before you get the hang of it, I tell them, but it can be exciting, and sex doesn't have to be limited to vaginal penetration. You just need a partner you trust, to remember to keep breathing so that you can relax (it will hurt if you don't relax!), and to use lots of lube!”
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