Yes, a new year means resolving to be harder, better, faster, stronger. But it’s also about predicting what will happen in the world of entertainment — at least it is if you ask us.
In 2015, a few of our forecasts came true. Adele made her return. Feminism made its mark. Girl gangs triumphed. Rihanna maintained her dominance over our hearts and minds. And of course, Taylor Swift made headlines daily.
But as we look at this upcoming year, we have more singular prophecies in mind. Where 2015 may have been about broader moments in all of pop culture, we have our eyes on specific, individual events for 2016. We’re no psychics, but we’ve got a feeling in our bones that these are the highlights awaiting us.
Kanye will finally release his new album.
And in the two thousandth and sixteenth year of our Lord Yeezus, he will deliver unto us Swish — an album that apparently only Seth Rogen has heard.
Photo: WWD/REX Shutterstock.
Rihanna will also drop her album.
Unlike Kanye, Rihanna’s got actual movement behind this new album. Where Yeezy simply mentions it here and there, Bad Gal RiRi actually has a tour planned, which gives us hope.
Photo: Matt Baron/BEI/ Rex Shutterstock.
DiCaprio might win that Oscar for Revenant.
He’s fighting a bear in this one, for crying out loud! Give him the prize!
Stars will continue to take greater control of their own narratives.
In 2015, we saw the Kardashians launch their own apps and websites. It's all in the name of controling the message themselves: They craft, polish, and deliver their stories directly to their fans. They break their own major news, often without the help of traditional media outlets. We have a feeling Demi Lovato may be the next one to take her words straight to her audience.
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We'll stop asking celebrities if they're feminists.
Instead, we'll start asking them how they're contributing to Jennifer Lawrence's campaign to get equal pay for women, which is a thing we imagine she'll create. Or we'll be more focused on what society should be doing to get ourselves out of this gender-gap mess.
Photo: Erik Pendzich/ REX Shutterstock.
Chris Rock will make some awkward jokes about Leo being "raped" by a bear at the Oscars.
Because of course he will. Even though DiCaprio himself has described the rumor as "absurd," and even though it's not a thing anyone should be talking about, ever again.
Photo: Henry Lamb/Photowire/BEImage/Rex Shutterstock.
Fuller House will be lame...
...And we'll finally move past our millennial nostalgia obsession with the '90s. We will finally accept that, while we look back on our childhoods with rose-tinted glasses, we do not actually want those years back in our adult lives.
Photo: Jim Smeal/BEI/ Rex Shutterstock.
One Direction will go on hiatus.
Teens everywhere will go into mourning. But ya know what? Zayn is out. They need to regroup and refresh.
Photo: David Fisher/REX Shutterstock.
Scott and Kourtney will get back together.
Even if only for the kids.
Photo: David Becker/ Getty Images.
No holiday will be safe from Hollywood.
Valentine's Day and New Years Eve were dreadful movies. But when has Hollywood ever let a silly little thing like quality stop it from green-lighting more of the same? The year is already bringing us Mother's Day, directed by (who else?) Garry Marshall. So we're expecting to read any day now that All Hallows' Eve is going into production. This one will be a saccharine saga of various lonely singletons whose stories intersect until they pair off in meet-cutes at the same costume party. Lea Michele will star, because duh.
Photo: Matt Baron/BEI/ Rex Shutterstock.
NBC will have another live-action special.
Probably Hairspray, Dirty Dancing, High School Musical, West Side Story, or Music Man. Neil Patrick Harris will be in it. All non-musical tweets sent during this time will be lost in the whirlwind of jokes and commentary.
Photo: Stephen Lovekin/REX Shutterstock.
Adele will have a film cameo.
And not in a cheesy way, like in a Seth Rogen movie where celebs are cast to play themselves and it's too meta for anyone to like.
Photo: REX Shutterstock.
Biebs and Selener will get back together.
Or at least collaborate musically with an awkwardly sexual video. It’s the natural next step to all the song lyrics and Instagrams that are like reading their text messages to each other aloud.
Photo: Kevin Mazur/ Getty Images.
Saint West learns to walk and spit sick beats in his fifth month.
And North will launch her own clothing line.
Photo: Katie Jones/WWD/REX Shutterstock.
Taylor Swift’s squad will be rebranded.
Squadgoals are done. Played out. Over. They will now be referred to as #gazellegoals, since the members of said group are all cute and have legs for days. Their tagline will be, "Ya herd?"
Photo: Rob Latour/REX Shutterstock.
"Lowkey" will be the new "on fleek."
And it will manifest itself in a Nicki Minaj song. As in, "I'm lowkey obsessed with Nicki Minaj." For reference, ask any teenager.
Photo: Gregory Pace/BEI/ Rex Shutterstock.
Rob Kardashian will return.
Between Khloe's endless support and some subtle appearances on Instagram, it looks like he's itching to up his involvement with his famous family.
Photo: MediaPunch/REX Shutterstock.
Jaden Smith will write a book.
Every Sentence Will Be Capitalized And Lack Punctuation Because Isn’t That Just How We All Are Like A Constant Stream Of Thought And What Does That Say About Jaden As A Scientist And World Leader And He Will Be Touted As The Next Hemingway Or Some Shit.
Photo: Gregory Pace/BEI/ Rex Shutterstock.
Caitlyn Jenner will write a book.
With normal capitalization habits and important thoughts.
Photo: Variety/REX Shutterstock.
Someone decides to remake/ruin Punky Brewster.
Further proving that it really, truly is time to stop with the opportunistic remakes, reboots, and cast reunions.
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