I remember the first time I watched Labyrinth. I was eight, obsessed with all things Jim Henson, and ill-prepared for how terrifying all the little gremlins would be. My little sister and I got about 15 minutes into the movie — to the moment when Sarah successfully summons the Goblin King to come take away her baby brother and creepy little creatures begin popping up in the corners of the room — and promptly began screaming. My parents definitely regretted not vetting that film: We had nightmares about that one scene for literally months to come.
On June 27, Labyrinth officially turns 30 years old. While it was a disappointing flop when it first hit theatres, the movie has gained a cult following in the decades since. I’ve mostly managed to avoid it since my first rough encounter, but recently went back and watched the whole thing. Turns out, that scene that freaked my sister and me out back in the day is still pretty scary, as are a few other items that I missed the first time around.
From a belching bog to a bizarre May-December pseudo romance between Goblin King and a girl, Labyrinth had all the creep factor I remembered — and then some.
Item #1: Adult Male Kidnaps Infant, Refuses To Return Him
Does that baby look afraid to you? He definitely looks freaked out to me. And why not, given that his hateful big sister's wish has just landed him in the lap of a full-grown man who wants to rename him from Toby to Jareth.
Image Credit: Henson Associates, Inc. / Lucasfilm Ltd.
Item #2: Please Make Note Of The Penis
Let the record show: I love Bowie. But I couldn't help but notice that his, erm, Bowie, is basically its own character in this movie. Frankly, it's a lot to take in.
Image Credit: Henson Associates, Inc. / Lucasfilm Ltd.
Item #3: The Truly Terrifying Goblin Situation
These little guys (gals? mutant Gelflings?) basically epitomise what you were afraid of finding staring back at you from under the bed as a child. Also, their facial warts are giving me breakout anxiety.
Image Credit: Henson Associates, Inc. / Lucasfilm Ltd.
Item #4: Late Blooming Teen Girl & Adult Male Of Closely Related Species Develop Underlying Romance Tension
Okay, okay. So nothing ever happens — not really — between these two. But there's definitely something a little borderline sexual during that ballroom scene.
Image Credit: Henson Associates, Inc. / Lucasfilm Ltd.Item #5: The Bog Of Eternal Stench
This one's more campy than creepy. But go ahead, try and listen to this scene without dry heaving a little. I dare you.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Emma Thompson's Emotional New Movie Role
The Subtle Reason Why Pixar Movies Differ From The Disney Classics Of Yore