I got engaged a year ago and what a year it’s been. I was in a state of shock for the first couple of months, shrugging nonchalantly if anyone asked me about my dress or the venue (which people do, immediately) and running into restaurant bathrooms when our parents brought up the guestlist. It took about six months for it to sink in, and for me to start visualising how everything might come together. When there are so many details (vegan options, save the date font, napkins...) you really have to strain to see the bigger picture, of, you know, the greatest day of your life.
In a bid to make my life easier (and yours, reader brides) I have been diligently foresting pearls of wisdom from my wonderful friends – brides and brides to be – of all the things they wished they had known at the start. Crucially, the most important thing I learnt was to unlearn everything I'd previously been told, because there are some traditions you’ll love and want to keep, but so many others that you’ll discover are totally irrelevant to you. Lose anything that doesn’t feel real to you. There is a whole industry built around weddings, which does capitalise on the pressure everyone feels to make this the most perfect day ever, so just do you and remember it's about throwing the best party you’ll ever attend.
1. Be open minded about where you can find a dress
One of the main traditions associated with finding your wedding dress is trying on lots of dresses in fancy boutiques and promptly bursting into 'it's so beautiful/ I'm so beautiful' tears when you find 'the one.' (Remember you've already found the one!) If you’re not worried about skipping this TV wedding ritual, you’ll be surprised how many great options you can find online. That’s right, online. I bought my dress from a U.S. brand online whilst my friend Caley (a fashion buyer) bought hers from Net a Porter.
“I was looking at a lot of traditional, boho inspired dresses but when I tried them on I knew they didn’t feel right. Then one day browsing online I saw ‘the one’, not traditional at all, but perfect for the venue as I am getting married in a town hall, so I can be a bit untraditional. I thought I would really feel like I was missing out on the whole trying the dress on phase but knowing that I love the dress I have, this doesn’t bother me. I am actually relieved there is less fuss.” Caley, 29, Fashion Buyer
Illustration by Mallory Heyer
2. Avoid Pinterest like the plague
When you're trying to visualise how everything will come together, it's important to think about who you are as a couple. Try to build your personalities, quirks and passions into the day. A scroll through Pinterest can completely distract and bombard you with (probably unattainable) imagery of other peoples’ days. It’s like that phrase: “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” Well, have your own wedding, everyone else’s is taken.
“The 'so much choice' is the hardest part. When you start looking, there are literally thousands of magazines, Pinterest boards and wedding suppliers that it becomes very overwhelming. My advice to any newly engaged person is to ignore it: don't go to wedding fairs, don't read magazines and don't look at Pinterest otherwise you will second guess every decision you make.” Alison, 30, Accountant
Illustration by Mallory Heyer
3. Be under no illusion, it can cost a ton of money
It’s really tricky to do a wedding on a budget. Nobody sets out to spend silly money – it just adds up really quickly. My friends and I agreed that the only way you could do a wedding on a shoestring was by going to a registry office and then the pub whilst your friends take the photos.
Acknowledge at the beginning that you need to know your budget, and prioritise what’s important to you. For me, it’s the food, but it could be a special venue, doing it somewhere amazing abroad or hell, a pair of Miu Miu’s. A great tip I learnt from a friend's wedding is losing the starter or pudding can help bring down the cost of a caterer and you can allocate it to more important things, such as booze!
Illustration by Mary Galloway
4. Book early and don’t forget to get it filmed
The first two things worth booking are the venue and the catering. Everything else can wait. A number of people have also said how important it is to get your wedding filmed – that it can feel like an unnecessary cost (particularly if you have a photographer) but it’ll be something you look back on and treasure.
“It’s crazy how quickly all the good stuff gets booked up. We were being very laid back at first but when we started to enquire, loads of our first choice venues were fully booked for two years in advance! But, at the same time there is SO MUCH choice that sometimes it is easier to make decisions when faced with only a few options. We actually found our dream venue because it meant we had to search harder for the hidden gems.” Charlie, 25, Freelance Writer
Illustration by Mallory Heyer
5. Don’t lose sight of the goal
“I wish I had known how great it would be to have the bond – that marriage would be the greatest foundation for what was to come, and to do it sooner.” Kathryn, 28, Mother of two
When you’re getting a bit stressed out or feeling overwhelmed, instead of running to blogs, forums and bloody Instagram, get help from the person you are marrying; you’re in this together.
Illustration by Mary Galloway
6. Perfect that photo face
My job means I’m very much used to being behind the camera and running around in the background. When I asked my friend Sugar about her advice for the big day, she told me nothing will prepare you for all the people taking photographs of you and that it’s really important to learn to relax, be calm and smile! I’m not really sure how you’re supposed to prepare for this; I have already managed to chip a tooth...
Illustration by Anna Sudit
7. Everyone has an opinion
A big learning curve for everyone I have spoken to was learning how to thoughtfully manage all the opinions coming your way. By opinions I mean your next-door neighbour, work colleagues you haven’t seen in five years, Auntie Mildred, Uncle Fred; everyone has Very Important Wedding Advice to impart. So learn to smile, and say thank you, safe in the knowledge that you don’t have to actually follow any of it.
“My main piece of advice would be to take everyone else's opinion and advice with a pinch of salt. Confide in the people who will be honest with you and try to be as relaxed as possible. At the end of the day you are marrying the love of your life so you don't want to be worn out and stressed, just excited.” Emma, 35, Fashion Executive
“The people who you really care about will always support you and wedding planning is stressful enough without unimportant people making snide comments about your choice in venue or ceremony style.” Sarah , 28 , Project Manager
Illustration by Anna Sudit
8. You can’t speak to everyone on the big day (waaaah) so accept this
“Something that I found tricky was that no matter how hard I tried to be the perfect host, I wasn't be able to talk to all 120 guests as much as I felt I had to or wanted to. After all, it's only one day and I still wanted to be able to enjoy myself with my favourite family and friends, rather than sit chatting to a great aunt I hadn't seen for a year. I'd say it's important to try to get a balance but don't feel guilty, and try to share the load with your new husband.” Suzanna, 29, Rehabilitation Officer
Illustration by Shawna Huang
9. Forget all the rules when it comes to bridesmaid dresses
Bridesmaid dresses can seem like a challenge, trying to find something that will work alongside the bride’s dress.
“My final perplexing issue has been my bridesmaid dresses. I have five beautiful ladies accompanying me down the aisle but they all have totally different styles, skin colours, hair colours and body shapes that it is literally impossible to put them in the same dress. I want them all to feel amazing and conformable on the day so I have said they can find their own dresses in a similar colour which actually saves me a lot of stress! I found out recently that traditionally the bride and bridesmaids all wore the same to protect the bride from jealous ex-suitors and evil spirits so I think I’ll be safe to let them wear what they want!” Alison, 30, Accountant
Illustration by Anna Sudit
10. Finally, don’t worry about what you can’t change
“…the weather, if a table decoration or a vase is slightly wonky, or if your Aunties aren’t loving the Bieber on the dancefloor. It doesn’t matter as long as you are having fun. Make sure you have the right people around you on the day to absorb any logistical tasks and make sure you appoint a master of ceremonies that you trust to keep everything on track.” Sophie, 23, Radio Producer
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