Headline news then, this morning, Liam-Cheryl's-BF-Payne has inked a really quite large clock, with exposed gears, on his arm. The tattoo was shared by Californian tattoo artist Nikko Hurtado of the Black Anchor Collective on Instagram with the following caption: "Hey sometimes I don’t know who my clients are until after my daughter flips out about it. Was an honour tattooing @fakeliampayne from #onedirection the last few days.” Dad! Get with it!
But in all seriousness, the tattoo is bugging us out. It will now forever be four minutes to twelve in Liam Payne-land, Bernard's Watch style. The idea quite literally sets our teeth on edge.
If you think that's bad, last week former bandmate Zayn Malik appeared to have a new tattoo: a tribute to his mother inked onto the side of his beautiful, beautiful face. The good news is, we can breathe, because the tattoo was fake, and Zayn was just messing with us (to promote his new album, obv).
While Zayn's fake skull-ink was quite blatantly a heart-felt and cockle-warming tribute to his mother and Liam's new timepiece is obviously a tribute to Kantian philosophy, and an existentialist comment on how humans are forever trapped measuring our lives within the parameters of space and time, there are some other 1D tattoos, that just, well, make no sense.
So, here are the most head-scratchingly weird tattoos from our favourite boys, ranked from quite confusing to "come again?"
*For obvious reasons Niall is not being included in the roundup. Good wee lad.
Confusing
Zayn's aforementioned, breathtaking homage to his mother. It's an eagle... maybe. Or a Phoenix. Might be a parrot in a bush. We'll never know.
Photo: Getty
Chin-scratcher
Harry has the words "silver spoon" beautifully spelled out on the back of his arm in a huge sort of Tim Burton come school-boy handwriting font. We can only presume he's alluding to the spoon which he was not born with in his perfect mouth? That or it's a reference to the ubiquitous brand of sugar in the UK: Silver Spoon. The possibilities are endless. And we have a long time to figure it out because it will be there f.o.r.e.v.e.r.
Photo: Getty
You've lost us here...
Look, if you can bear to, at Harry's left bicep. Neatly tucked away is the grungy etching of a coat hanger. Sure, this could allude to his style-icon status (see: grey vest) or his penchant for general tidiness on the tour bus, or... OR... is it in fact an Illuminati symbol? Is the triangle actually the cult's all-seeing eye? Just putting it out there.
Photo: Getty
Head in hands
If you didn't know what kind of a mood Zayn's in, please see his "chillin'" ink on his right forearm. For someone who has zero-chill (we're talking Twitter beef with other boybands, as well as with members of his own) this one's a bit of a curve ball. Irony? Sarcasm? Disillusionment? Our main concern, though, is that the colouring makes it look a little, tiny bit septic. U ok hun?
Photo: Getty
Not sure we follow...
This stick-and-poke tattoo of a skateboarder belongs to Louis, and has to rank as our favourite of all the 1D tattoos. Despite his millionaire status Louis likes to keep sh*t real. The fact that it's surrounded by other equally low-budget tats such as a cup of tea and a paper plane only adds to the allure, we think.
Photo: Getty
DAFUQ
Sorry, rewind. Back to Louis' cup of tea. Here's a close up of the beauty. Don't you think it almost has a Van Gogh roughness to it? A pre-historic cave etching kind of chic? But why a cup of steaming tea? Maybe he doesn't drink enough liquids, or maybe it's a reminder of his Northern roots. Whatever, we think it's cool.
Photo: Getty
Forget it, we're out...
Zayn's 'zap' tattoo was one of his first, and people really cared when it happened. Fans speculated at once that it stood for "Zayn and Perrie" (be still our bottom lip) but he completely cleared things up on air with Nova.fm: "Basically, it's a secret society of club Zappers" he says. "Me and Louis are Captain Zappers, the other boys – they're a part of club Zap but they're not Captains, they're just on the board of Directors." Cool. Sure.
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